poetic living

Re arrange

2012-01-09T21:51:00.001+08:00

Its time to rearrange.
Rearrange my stuffs
Rearrange my family and social needs
Rearrange my workspace
Rearrange my time
Rearrange my priorities
Rearrange my self, inner self
Rearrange to make time to find myself

You know its always a journey. I havent been any better than yesterday and i havent...well..i dont think i did anything beyond.

Having realised all these, i believe i need to start moving and planning to make life more fulfilling.

Giving myself another year.

Like grief stricken

2011-12-16T00:20:00.001+08:00

Life is like all wrong for me at the moment. I am really feeling sad now. You just want to let yourself fall because there is no more strength to even stand. And the only pillar of strength seems to crumble losing balance and not going to hold on.

Like im a disappointment. Like everything is, superficial.

Why am i even here?

I feel small and unimportant.

Eid Saeed

2011-09-02T10:33:00.007+08:00

Eid Mubarak Kullu Am Wa Antum Bikhair

This year's Eidul Fitri comes early and it feels fast. you're fasting today and its eid already. I pray that my fasting and ibadah is accepted by the Lord. we are so consumed by our daily routine it feels like freedom when for once you detach a bit from worldly demands to rightfully 'demands' of your soul.

if i may say, it's actually a bit more relaxing environment at work compared to last year. i only stayed for iftar whenever i can and no one pressured me if i dont come, every wednesday the majority stayed over to help a little, when by right, the volunteers are doing everything which is good, hehe. and our zakat duties are lesser now with most of the staffs are 'certified' zakat amils so our schedule are more stretched out. i remember last year, my night duties will be like once every three nights!

and im most happy when both me and hubby got to go to the mosque for terawih and he loved to listen to the imam hafizin reciting the qur'an, heh that one no doubt everyone loves the hafizin. i heard they had a whole bag of gifts from our volunteers and even random jemaah. and i think it helps attract the crowd in, this ramadhan was beautiful because our terawih safs stayed full till the end and our qiyam had more congregation than last year. to the extend that meal for sahur was not enough for all and our volunteers had to rush to buy packed food from 24 hours coffeeshops. masya Allah.

pray that it will be the same next year, if not, better.

anyway. EId was beautiful but different.

im celebrating this eid as a wife. and without a mother in law. mixed feelings la.
oh husband and me managed to visit the graves of the faithful departed and with as much strength as he can possibly muster, clear his late father's grave. with all the growing leaves and i dont know he had to pull out roots and all. but it feels good to be able to do that. and prayers yes. also i get to visit my own grandparents' and i cant help but broke down at grandma's. the tears just flows i cant help it. always, when visiting her. i miss her terribly.

i managed to bake one simplest honey cornflakes on the eve of Eid, a brief shopping for carpets and preparing/cooking for the morning after. it was fulfilling coz we are on our own, the 3 of us: hubby, sis-in-law and myself. definitely tiring ok!
our fast-game soto ayam was delicious!

except, it was quiet. say after everything is done, i was still doing my last rounds of honey cornflakes while watching the shows on tv specially for eve of eid and its so profoundly quiet. back home, it could be still quite noisy with last minute cleaning up at home, dad and mom probably screaming at us telling us to do this and that, the kitchen will be 'action packed' and we'll be joking around.

visited my family first thing after solat eid, a teary hour and mom's sambal goreng! :)
we had yati family and her mother in law (from switzerland) and i guess it adds on to the serenity of eid having her. you know it's always nice having a mother figure in times like this...

a pic or two..eidul fitri from us all..

psstt...Lombok here we come!!

Half of Ramadhan

2011-08-19T12:49:00.003+08:00

I really think that this ramadhan is moving way faster than i remember from the previous ramadhans. It's already, can you believe it, 19th of Ramadhan! with ten more days to rush for, no no, not the baju-s or kuih-s but the much anticipated lailatul qadar. ok i dont want to sound like it's some game or what, but I really hope that i will at least get to wake up and ask for His forgiveness one of these days. i just need to go back to what i was used to.

So Ramadhan, please go a bit bit slower will you? please please give me a little bit more chance?

it's actually a very different ramadhan for me this year. i miss break fast with my siblings. especially when both mom and dad not home, we'll order some fast food or i might cook if i had the mood, and we'll set the table together, on the radio for as loud we want waiting for the azan, and the best part would be the talks we would have during iftar. there will be so many things that my siblings will be sharing, their jokes. i really miss that.

and down here, sometimes i felt sad because mother is not here. i imagined if she's still here, she wont be fasting but she might still be around, probably eating with us. cant believe that she wont be here to celebrate Eid together. like how did it happen at all?

and back home, i have no idea how my siblings are doing. how my parents are getting along after that period of tension. i know in front of me they acted as though everything is fine, in fact both of them did not mention anything to me except what my siblings told me but i hate it that i dont have control over events. i always felt when im there, im able to control things and make sure everything is fine. but i cant anymore. and its affecting my system. i feel lost sometimes.

Work hasnt been helping and its barely at the edge of falling. but still something tends to bring me back up, its either a meeting with other teachers, a workshop i went to, a book i read and tells me to 'look, just stay on for a while longer because these people needs you, no, the children needs you.' but i know my motivational energy is getting lower and lower by the day. it's a constant inner fight that sometimes i dont know what i want or need to do anymore.

it is a constant fight. like how do i tell my teens to be good when half the time i dont know what my own siblings are doing? and all these threatening what ifs in my mind.

i'm losing control.

But i hope this Ramadhan has made me think alot and reflect. so even if there are no clear answers i hope i know what my next step will be.

urgghh i feel like scrubbing the whole floor of this house. really. mopping doesnt give me the satisfaction anymore, heh. ;)

Allahu musta'an.

28

2011-07-15T20:22:00.001+08:00

Never have i went through the month without telling myself that come July, i want to forget that its my birthdate and that someone would eventually surprise me with, say, a gathering, or a bunch of presents and things that make a child happy on her birthday :)

but not for my case. for one thing, we don't always for get our birthdays. that beautiful number that you are born into, fated to see the world at that particular time and day, of all days. unless you so caught up with work or lost in a place with no sense of time and day, well probably you wont remember your birthdate.

anyway as i was saying, i cannot forget my birthdate because i have to remember two prior birthdays in July, which is my brother and sister respectively that reminded me 'oh yea..my birthday in a few more days..'

this year i am blessed for celebrating as a wife with a nice surprise from hubby, wishes and prayers here and there. And although I got a mild response from my family because I believed everyone is just too preoccupied that they can't be bothered, well I got teary eyed when I got an SMS wishing me birthday from my father. I don't know, he rarely shows his affection that a simple message from him becomes such precious thought. And mom, a facebook message? I'm not just any friend ok :-\ I don't understand why I would feel insulted by that.

But anyway it was a good day..I'm grateful for having come this far, grateful for everything my family has done for me because I won't feel sore for so long, it takes too much energy.

I guess this is also a phase of marriage life, you tend to feel distanced from one's family and feel like they don't care anymore. Hopefully this is just a post-wedding-into-one year-marriage kind of unfathomable emotion. Like a feeling of I care so much and try to contribute but they don't seem to care anymore.

Oh, maybe its just the age. Beautiful number 28.
Aside all these emo, I pray for happiness and wisdom, with much strength to face everyday challenges career/marriage/family/social wise.

And Lord, I pray for Your forgiveness for I have sinned I know.
Lead me to the rightful path and all the people I love.

good morning

2011-05-23T07:25:00.004+08:00

good morning! and yes it's rather rare for me to be blogging this early in the morning because honestly this is my morning 'nap' time. but that's going to change now, well slowly yes, but have to start some time.

we sent the helper back to the agency so we are all back to housekeeping duties!! im excited but need to re-adjust myself after some 7 months of having little to do around the house. hopefully i'll do my fair share here. it will be a bit different because back in hougang ave 8, i rule, heh :) i mean im free to do whatever chores at any time and even the luxury of telling my little sibs of what to do.
here's the real challenge of coming into a family and as a wife. pressure pressure.

ok people, some laundry to do before off to work.
(i cant believe im up and about at this hour;))

not forgetting, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to little sister Nuri. May you stay happy and cheerful as always. our adorable little sister. love you!

death is certain

2011-05-17T20:50:00.002+08:00

I had been postponing blogging for so many times. so many memories which i had wanted to express and locked in poetic living. now it seems all those memories doesnt seem to matter anymore at this point of time. we lost one person who mattered so much to me. one person who mattered the most to my husband. invalid but such a strong presence in this home, quiet but her silence is comfort, knowing she is always home, sitting by the window or watching tv. a smile when someone calls her.

i used to always look into her room whenever i passed it, knowing she'll be there sleeping or sitting on her wheelchair, it's almost a habit, having done it for the past 7 months. even now, my head just automatically looked into her room. stabbed my heart to find it empty and realising she's no longer here.

it still feels surreal. it's like it is something we should be expecting, her health had been deteriorating, but mother in law had always been strong. had always been there. always. is it true she's no longer here? my mind still a blur although busy with everything. is it true?

i didnt think i would cry so hard or felt her loss as much as my husband and his sisters would feel, but i did. she is a mother after all. i would say i am lucky to have her as a mother in law although i came into the family too late, and i didnt get to learn so many things from her. but i know she is such a loving person. i know she tried to treat me as a daughter in law, so happy when i came into the room and having a conversation, trying to understand as much i can her slurring chitchat. holding my hand so tight, nodding to whatever im sharing with her. i took things for granted but im going to miss her. really miss her.

i hope i have been a good daughter in law in this short span of leaving under the same roof. i know i could have done more. but making work as a reason for not spending much time with her, it really makes me hate myself. i really do. and im playing with thoughts of quitting.

mother, i pray for tranquility there in the other side. you have been a great, hardworking and kind mother, may we meet again in heaven. amiin.

and never take things for granted people.

****************************************************
why i'm thinking of quitting. i hated the fact that i was thinking of the madrasah and the retreat the night we had been called back to the hospital because mother's blood pressure is decreasing by the hour. and i was still contemplating of going to the mosque that early morning. but i was glad i didnt choose to, but i hated those thoughts. and i hated that i received calls from transport? from uniform vendor? from parents? from some relief who had to play diarrhoea on me like a stupid joke and left me scrambling for other relief. i hated all those because i felt like shouting to them, im greiving here, just leave me alone. my husband needed me, my sisters in law needed me. just stop!

but i am thankful for having such a reliable group of asatizah, and reliable youth who we can always turn to for relief.

and quite honestly, i really feel like i want to quit. but i do not want to be too impulsive. i need to really think through. i need to soul search. i need to increase my knowledge. i just feel like taking a break from all this.

please guide me. God.

love you

2011-03-21T22:42:00.004+08:00

i'm like a love sick person who is away from her dearest, so far so unreachable, and yet he is here beside me and i just want to say i love you abang.

we watched the time traveller's wife, and of course, they skipped many many scenes from the book, but having known the emotions going through by the characters, i teared at the end, because it brought me to the reality that i cant bear to lose him. as much as i cant bear to lose my family.

but there is a time in the novel where henry got to go to the future, in a day where in reality he's dead and had a chance to meet his wife and daughter. that will never happen in real life, but yes, it is what everyone who has lose someone will wish for. another glimpse of the loved one.

reading the book touched me and it was one of the novels that actually made me tear, the likes of jodi picoult's sister's keeper and the alchemist.

i will say it again and i will say it now.
i love my parents i love my siblings i love my abang.

12 Rabiul awal

2011-02-15T22:09:00.000+08:00

love

2011-02-14T21:46:00.002+08:00

childhood sweethearts

2011-02-11T19:17:00.002+08:00

i had my share of barbie dolls, dollhouses, polly pockets, strawberry shortcakes and my little ponies. so when i found these little gems, i cant resist but bought it. something i could share with my children.

Tgif

2011-02-10T23:10:00.002+08:00

Thank God it's Friday! U have no idea how much I wanted this day!
My precious rest day before the busiest and strenuous day of the week for me.
And I pray this week will be a better week after the shapeless of some transport vendor who took it upon themselves to stop taking our kids... My Lord, the challenges I have to face this week!
Despite all that I managed to have discussions with some potential partners for our edu unit and it's very accomplishing. But although tmrw is my off day, I still have some important emails to send. I could do it now since abang dearest is also logged on to work, well, I guess let's start afresh tmrw n I have plenty of research to do, for my lessons and class observations.
So soon you say? Better now n see what's happening around the madrasah n how the teachers are coping before anything wrong crops up.

So help me Lord.

new phone in the house!

2011-02-06T18:39:00.003+08:00

as a 5 months anniversary gift, an iPhone from abang dearest!! such a beauty. :)

thank you abang dearest and i love you much.

yesterday was a very challenging day at work. three teachers down with me almost having a nervous breakdown having to search for replacements. which is d%^# not easy! i hope and i sincerely beg these teachers to not please not work on a saturday! saturday is a very crucial and i mean crucial day of all the days!! please la~ but anyway, Lord has given me strength to move on. i had the ydo came back from his off in lieu to take over one morning class. i had one of our youth members to take two classes-two sessions, and alhamdulillah, some of our youth members were madrasah students and i am so so grateful to them, another one cover one teens class and i took another teens class which supposedly the 'difficult' class. i still got burnt the whole day because for every relief i have, i have to explain to them the lesson before they can take over. i dont think i have ever remembered so many of teens' lessons as much as yesterday!

and i had to deal with the transport person for some messed up issues. how many things can happen within 8 hours of work?

i think i slept like a log last night. body aching everywhere. and my righthand wrist is hurt, what's the cause i cant remember but for the whole of last night and this morning, i cant bear even holding anything. it's feeling better now but hurts if i turn it at a certain angle. hopefully it's just a normal strain.

another week to go through after the short break and i pray for better things.

shortest break

2011-02-03T14:44:00.006+08:00

happy holidays for two days! :)

i keep confusing the days. i keep on thinking its wednesday when its already thursday. and friday tomorrow..after that saturday the busiest day of my weeks. and we have been watching chinese movies and miotv has been generous that we get to watch big bang theory series~ especially love red cliff 1 and 2. it gives me the same feeling as when i watch lord of the rings. victory for the good sides but tugs at the heart for all the people who had to fight in the battle.

heh, whatever, i'm just glad that i get to spend the day with my abang. it's been a rush this week sending mil and sil for the eye and leg checkup. mom just had an operation on her left eye and thankfully progressing well now. and i had a sudden high fever but feeling much better now.

work has been smooth so far at the moment. of course with a few glitches here and there but i pray that i will overcome this challenges with wisdom and hikmah. one year on the job has taught me well. it's all about improvements this year. and i am grateful that i have a group of teachers who are able to work together, much better to say the least, compared to other divisions. other than that, i have to be so much more assertive. definitely. and there are a few things i wish to accomplish this year. giving myself one year to prove that i'm worth the job.

so this month is rabiul awal. the birth month of our Prophet s.a.w.
and i realised i have been too much engrossed with work and what nots, i will spend this month reading books on the Prophet, remember him any moment i can and relieved those feelings of love to him. so help me Lord.

let's see which book to read....

runny nose

2011-01-17T21:07:00.002+08:00

so i'm having a runny nose at the moment, when my nose is not running anywhere. heh. ok, it's the panadol kicking in. but it's so sudden this virus. i didnt think i've been near anyone who was ill.

i have to stop this shopping spree but i think it's just that time of the year.

abang is doing some work, so i thought i'd log in and do some work as well. let's see, budgetting done, programme planning done...waiting for the youth's progs...oh yea, listing out jobscopes for the level coordinators. a lot of things to do aye first month of the year.

oh by the way, i though i enjoyed reading mcalister's steampunk novel...but it's quite draggyy, i think i'll read it fast enough with skipping some pages, heh...i have my eye on a new book: you lead, they'll follow ;)

just another sunday

2011-01-16T20:55:00.003+08:00

two weeks after 2011 and i dont feel like there's anything new...except more work..haha!
after so called declaring in one of my tweets that my work seems interesting and that although saturday is the busiest, it is, the most fulfilling. in a sudden realisation, it gives a new perspective and a positive energy to do it all. and i must say, it looks exciting this year. starting with teachers who liked to make a disappearing acts!!

well, maybe it's shortlived, but while i'm at it, let's keep the momentum.

as at the moment, i refuse to do any work on a sunday and that abang has kept me 'locked' up :) cant blame him when we spent our saturdays apart. while single, i dont really think about it, but after marriage, it made me feel guilty sometimes, thinking him alone at home. but work on saturdays are move move move non stopping. sometimes i feel my whole 4 days week is just to prepare myself on saturdays.

marriage life is the only sanity i have right now. have someone to listen to my ramblings and nonsense. accept my flaws and loving all of me. it's close to 4 months and i'm grateful to have you in my life.

also heads up for my little brother khidir and little sister nuri for getting good grades in their N and O levels respectively. will always be proud of them.

miss my family.

time on my own

2011-01-07T10:29:00.002+08:00

let's do something productive shall we?? missing abang who's at work.

madrasah is starting tomorrow and i pray hard that things will go well.

i've read up my trainer's guides and actually went to the library to borrow some books with SIL.
and actually excited to read them all. hahaha. initially i thought i have to go to work to settle some stuff but i guess let's not do that and enjoy this time i have.

i think i'm just recuperating before facing tomorrow. really pray things to well insya Allah.

2011

2011-01-02T19:59:00.002+08:00

alhamdulillah we meet 2011 and i have a lot of reflections to do. many things to be grateful for and i am well into the new phase of life. insya Allah!

so it's not going to be about resolutions but i know there's a few things which i want to accomplish, or rather i hope to, in 2011 since i didnt get to do them properly in 2010.

less stress at work i hope. or i'm giving myself 1 year. whichever is not mental and physical health hazard. i love what i'm doing but it's the people which are dragging me down.

like updating my blog regularly for instance! and tweeting! although i planned to blog and tweet something more intellectual lah, rather than my daily lament of work and whatnots. like quotes from my fave books ke. i miss my self and i want to live it with the additional of being Mrs Suhaimi! :)) what more can a person want.

more confidence. read more ilmi books with the occasional great novels. go for talks and seminars becoz i tend to miss those with the alasan of work. be out there to gain experience and of course in my line of work, i need to be more aggressive, i guess, oh not, the word is assertive.

and i miss being rajin lah. since living in a house with a very efficient helper, i miss doing the things i used to do and i have been slacking like what! a little sweep in my room and that's it. but see lah what we can do around home ok, haha. i like it that i dont have to do anything, but sometimes i kind of feel guilty.

and everyone wants to be happy. so i pray for happines for all the people close to me.
i love abang. i love ratu romo. i love lifi siti nuri edid.

and i guess i have to catch up with my frens. regardless from where they are. but i think its going to be hard to like go out always with frens because i can go out on weekdays, but i cant stay too late like i can when i was single. and then on saturday i'll be slogging at work whole day and afterwards, hubby will claim me. and sundays for family or i will need the rest. but nevertheless! i want to spend some time with my girlfrens. insya Allah. inikan ukhuwwah ;))

i pray for everything good. 2011.

a week away

2010-12-23T23:29:00.004+08:00

its that time of the year when i would feel more stressed than ever. i really am. abang is already sleeping soundly but i cant bring myself to sleep despite feeling exhausted. my mind has this buzzing train passing through which doesnt seem to stop. i was watching lara croft on channel 5 with the hope for r and r but her ultra confidence is stabbing me because at this point i dont seem to have one.

i was browsing through facebook and saw acquaintances' pics of their holidays and that made me happy for a short while coz it reminded me of our nz amazing trip and then stumbled upon some facebook pages of people's online 'boutique' with their shawls, and blouses, and long dresses, maxi dresses and whatnots but i dont even have the excitement of looking through them because even with an extra month's pay, i suddenly lost the mood to spend it.

and i was hungry but i dont feel like eating.

that's how bad and low i'm feeling at this point. although i know i should be counting my blessings now.

i'm stuck with doing a task which i honestly dont have the time to do, although i would rather do it than handling some of the stuffs i'm supposed to do at work.

i have uniforms to worry about. i have teachers to worry about because i dont have enough up till now. and i was dropped an unfortunate news that the transport vendor wouldnt take up students on weekdays and few parents called asking about it. and one even go all the way wanting us to refund everything because of this transport issue. parents jangan melenting boleh tak??!! im feeling shitty already without you having to add up to the mess. i cant please everyone for God's sake. i really dont understand parents nowadays. always expecting things to go their way and when its not they go all hurricane.

and for the umpteenth record, i might as well work without a ydo. like seriously. ive been covering for the ydo, i keep reminding and asking the ydo to do tonnes of things not done and the youth seem to be able to fend for themselves for that matter.

i've had big dreams and its not achieveable with ydo acting like this, and well, teachers need their holidays. but i think ive been waaayy too good.

and oh yes, why have i been seeing my students so called declaring love in their fb statuses? have they learnt nothing???!! next year its all going to be old fashioned. i'm telling you kids you're going to get it from me!! before someone pulls me away and say 'it's all just a phase, we have to understand them bla bla bla'.

one week away to strategise.

i've cut my hair short, i could very well go bald soon.

but Lord, i'm grateful to You for giving me a job, at a place that i can practice my religion without boundaries and i love the fact that it's about education. but i feel my strength is draining low by the day and i need to pull through because a new academic year is starting and Lord knows what it has in store for me. it's always a scary thought.

oh yes, i'm having my menses now so probably why i'm feeling down. alasan.

i need a miracle.

so help me Lord.

good night world.

25.09.2010

2010-12-12T17:23:00.008+08:00

when sickness creeps in...we tend to reminisce in happier times. after so long of not being sick, my body has finally succumbed to the bug. but since am home and seemingly rebelling from pending works, i have the sudden inclination to upload photos overdued.
MY WEDDING PICS...

25.09.2010

and all the time he doesnt know i was behind him

My father our qadhi

doing what i've yearned so much to do

the most happiest people, besides me and abang, my colourful family

magical day

2010-10-25T13:37:00.004+08:00

it's been a month!! of wedded bliss and fluttering hearts everytime we touch. ;)

still at honey mooning stage they say and what best way to mark the one month anniversary than a reminisce of the wedding day. but i guess pictures always speak a thousand words. and in becoming the bride, i knew now that the aqad nikah is such a powerful moment. indeed there was the qadhi and the witnesses, but it's not only a matter of words and a certificate with both my name and dear's name, but it's as if the Lord Himself is 'there' witnessing this me and him union, and angels amongst family and friends. the whole universe is celebrating...ok ok i know, i read too much fantasy books.

dinner was magical. with my favourite song Anywhere by Evanescence while we made our entrance. i love it. it is a dream come true because i've always thought Anywhere is a perfect song to play as we walk along the aisle. and it did. thank you abang dearest for making my dream come true.

and i was a javanese princess on sunday ;)

i meant to add pictures in this particular post, but give me one two days yeah. one good thing was the pictures were ready within a month. the photographers were clearing all assignments before they hit the popular date 101010. except for the studio shots. and i'm excited for that as well.

and not to mention our scenic new zealand trip. our first quarrel and made up ;) knowing one another a bit more, the struggle against the cold (for me, abang was at peace with the cold, heh) and hours of driving.

heartbeats

2010-10-19T17:44:00.004+08:00

it has been a beautiful, amazing, dream-like fulfilled for the past weeks i do not want it to end.
i have so many things to blog about that sometimes words cant describe so where do i start?

the days of singlehood is passe to me. i'm a wife now. we have each other now. always. it feels so natural to be in his arms. ;)

i have hundreds of pics to upload. yes yes wedding event pics are ready! (i thought that's fast, received an sms from the photographers during our honeymoon and collected them the very next day after we reached sg)

honestly, my mind is still reminiscing the days before, during the wedding and after, which is of course our amazing New Zealand trip. still fresh in mind me missing him when we are supposed to not meet before the wedding but eventually had to two days before for my bridal make up and dresses trial. my heartbeat was running (as if meeting him for the first time!) and looking at him and thinking "this man here is going to be my husband in 2 days' time!" anggun andaman was great! beautiful gorgeous dresses and make-up! perfect place for simpletons like me ;)

moments of disbelief, of dreaming and imagination almost sinked in when my best friend Mahir gave me some 'serious' advice, my wedding service planner Kak Tini came with the photographer en zain and cik nor the caterer. while making some final arrangements, my mind so full of many other things to think about, but at some corner, it gives a picture of maturity, of responsibility, a new life together what lies ahead is indescribable and of possibilities.

the day, friday, when syraskins (that girl is very 'entrepreneural'!) came and had to do my henna...i'm just relaxing and she's drawing my hands and feet, therapeutic in a way..and the smell of cooling fresh henna paste triggered my senses, it's another eureka moment for me.. :)

i was thinking of abang dearest and wondering how's he going on with all the preparations at his side and missing him and telling myself this will all be over and i'm going to be his tomorrow! i may look calm and relaxed, but my mind and heart was like a hurricane of memories and feelings!

and come the Day. beautiful day on 25th September 2010....
to be continued...hubby juz called he's taking half day!

2 more days

2010-09-23T00:28:00.002+08:00

Lord, I pray that my nikah and wedding event go on smoothly.
It is filled with prayers from family, friends and guests.
Comfortable for everyone. Satisfaction from everyone.
I pray that it is filled with Your Rahmah.
Amiin.

5 more days

2010-09-19T21:26:00.003+08:00

5 more days to go. and i'm nervous and worried and i pray that everything will go fine!
and its not just that...but also the emotions going on in my heart and mind that i will be someone's wife and its like a whole different life.

at one time i will be thinking about the wedding and what i need to do next, or whether i forgot something or what. and for once, i dont think about work at all, i cannot think about work, my mind is just reeling about the wedding. and then at another split second, i will be feeling sad that i might miss my parents and siblings, of course, we stay so nearby, but its different! i'm moving to a different house, home, i think it can be a scary thought at times, but also excited because i will be staying with a husband. really, mixed emotions. no wonder bride- to-bes are discouraged to go out so much, because if they have so many things to think of, they are better at home than out. need to calm oneself a lot.

ok maybe i worry too much. i know things will be fine and i will do well as a wife. insya Allah.

but at this crucial time, i miss my grandparents. a LOT. i miss them so much and wished that they are here to be with me, to witness this day. i longed to see their smiles. i wish i could hug them and say i love them.i know they will be very happy. yayi would have been the happiest grandfather. nenek would already be here, staying here and will probably be nagging if i dont follow the rules, atuk would be here, probably sitting in front of the tv watching news. Lord, i miss them.

anyway. please pray for me. i want the wedding to be perfect and a good start to a marriage:))

reality check

2010-08-29T18:32:00.003+08:00

Ok so the previous post wasnt meant to sound like poetry..i wanted to blog but somehow it came out in proses.

but reality check, i am LEFT WITH 3 MORE WEEKS before signed sealed delivered as a wife to my man. waahh, even the sound of 'my man' gives me the tingles and the blushes. ok no one saw that blush.

i am nervous and definitely rushing for time, because of course there is work to complete before my well deserved break. hand over of certain work and pretty much almost settled. i dont want to leave all the heavy ones, that has to wait till i am back.

and now i have to think of how i'm going to pack my clothes and books (ok not all of my books) for the move. i'm really kind of stuck having to choose what to bring so as not to clutter his room with my stuff. and the only time we have are weekends! and my time is rather limited, what's with working whole day and by the time i came home from either terawih or zakat duty, i'll be exahusted and need the rest for the next day. and then i'm thinking of making some simple cookies. but really i'm so rushing for time.

I hope i can do everything. and now would be the time to set some financial priorities and set the day that i can accomplish things.

a change

2010-08-29T18:16:00.002+08:00

i'm thinking
of this change that i'm facing
no longer one and only
but at long last
having my one and only

i used to think that i'll be alone
for the longest time
just me alone
work and family
fulfilling days with friends perhaps
and my books definitely
and without a partner in crime

but now i found myself
a man so good hearted
who cares a lot about me
that i cant bear to hurt him
and so i'm no longer alone

so now its 3 weekends away
from our vows of marriage
and i'm wondering if i'm ready
to leave a life of alone
to a life of company
to leave a life of 7 crowd
to a life of peaceful 2

i will miss my room
my mattress, my bronze fan,
my ikea side table, my bookshelf of books
i will miss my travels alone
my zen mp3 accompanying me

i will miss my sisters
their laughters and shouts
our arguments and our hugs

i will miss my brothers
their teasing and craps

i will miss my father
his silence and patience

i will miss my mother
her nags and moodswings

i will miss that all these happen
under one roof within four walls of this house

and i'm moving leaving
no more of my footsteps and my voice

but i'm moving and praying
that i can be as Khadijah r.a
a wife loyal and true
that i can serve my husband
with love and care
sincere and patient
everything for him
with all my heart

Lord, please guide me
through this change

nil monday blues

2010-08-09T22:22:00.001+08:00

For once, i have no monday blues and woke up feeling well rested, despite this rare woman cramp and not having to drag myself out to work. sometimes i think there is either something not quite well with me or the work... but anyway, today is national day and i am freaking happy its not working day!!

after a morning a lazing around and just breathing in the nice weather, did some laundry and later in the afternoon, went out to buy some pair of shoes for us girls for the wedding and MAC replenishment, and some very strong urges to be buy a bag but i managed to persevere, haha!

and yes the preparations for the wedding is so on the go now! just yesterday we bought our little brother a nice suit for the dinner. the wedding invitations are ready and i'm excited to send them out already! plus a piece of me with every card~

a lot of work to be done, wedding and workwise and i must remember to have some me time before the wedding! i definitely need that one day for myself and do what i used to do when life was just me...wow...it's going to be a huge transition and i cant imagine how life is going to be, but i'm excited and nervous all the same.

so yes, an international me day definitely one of the days. even though it's already the fasting month Ramadhan Mubarak.

i cant believe it, we are left with 5 more weeks?!!

i turn 27

2010-07-19T23:51:00.001+08:00

i have been trying to find time to blog but its either my mood is spoiled by some random people or incident or plainly i couldnt find the right time but i decided tonight will be the night!

another year gone by and a new one starts, new number looking nice at 2 and 7. i'm starting to believe that this age brings so much change, like finally realising you age is catching up on you and counting just how many down the lists have you completed or achieved...and at the back of my mind thinking that there seem to be not enough time. gone are those days when i think i have all the time in my life to do whatever and whenever i wanted. still, i am ready for just about anything!

not to say that this is the very age i set for myself for....marriage. and the power of planning and setting goals!! :) it is really happening. insya Allah. as of today, i think we are left with....9 more weeks!! and counting!!

I'm struggling to always keep on check what needs to be done and you, please tell me if you're going to do something to your room...i think i need to help out, i dont want to be just receiving and let you do all the work and not do anything you see...

putting that aside. i had a lovely birthday.

i took time off for the day. and first treat...very unexpected from Mr Planner...my chance to hold a bow and arrow and relived the archer in me!! heh, if i'm still qualified, seems like years of no archery has made me arrow illiterate!! but i love it. the pull of the string, the feeling of letting the arrow find its way no matter how i pulled it, the eyesight searching, finding the right focus...magical...ok maybe i think too much, that's why i cant find the bullseye!! lol.

and the legolas in him is revealed! my hero still..but hey, i'm going to catch up next time round ;)

followed by picnic by the lake. or reservoir..or whatever you may call it. such a nice weather, away from the urban business, calm and tranquility on a working day. i just love it. and no stealing monkeys! ;)

thank you for the beautiful day, for the beautiful gifts and the beautiful words. what more can i ask from you.

and at 2.7 i should be counting my blessings.

Alhamdulillah.

i miss archery

2010-07-07T00:39:00.000+08:00

How to Erase Our Sins

2010-07-02T11:37:00.000+08:00

How to Erase Our Sins

3 bulan purnama

2010-06-28T22:50:00.002+08:00

while watching the match between celts and the saxons (if this is historically correct) and between trying to do my assignment and some 2011 edu-planning...and some tom yam maggi sharing with my little sister...

reality check approximately 3 more months to go!! i'm glad certain things are almost settled like the catering and the deco, bridal and dresses chosen (unless i saw something nicer and decides to change, hehe). even my sisters' bridesmaids dresses and waiting for the cards to be readily printed, i'm excited!!

while it's still gss, i want to find a pair of shoes which can match all the dresses, if possible...and i hope my indonesian friend managed to get that 'thing' i've dreamt of wearing and while i can still spend, i want to shop for some personalized items!!

love surfing the many weddings websites and WE(DDING) tv gives me the thrill~

wahhhh so many things to do!

ok, on to other stuffs for the time being!

terrified serenity

2010-06-28T10:00:00.001+08:00

monday morning

2010-06-28T08:11:00.003+08:00

Assalamualaikum~

good morning people!

it is, no doubt, a monday morning when school reopens today and public transports return to its hustle and bustle of crowdedness, and students and adults rushing to work...except me (and maybe a few other fortunate people out there)

i took leave today.

and i hear the birds chirping and the neighbourhood cleaner sweeping at the park, and the sound of people walking, occassionally i heard mandarin conversations and the sound of bus 112.

wahh...seri macam nak tulis essay for O Level ah. :) hehe.

but yes, after almost 3 months of not blogging and missing it a lot, this morning i woke early despite sleeping in late last night and somehow i couldnt sleep again, i thought, why not blog? before i start on some work. i definitely need time alone to rejuvenate my soul and re-motivate myself.

work is ridiculous. it was the june holidays but i except for a one day off in lieu i took, it was pretty much the same work schedule, even finishing work later than usual! what's with the courses taking up much of my time from work. i have plans to work out, reports to do and library arrangements to work out and youth events to keep up to date since some other colleague seems to need to be pushed to do, and finding trainers to fill up my shoes and relief trainers to find as well. it is a lot to do and sometimes i feel very much irritated when other people seems to take things lightly. this is nasty me comparing myself...i could count with my fingers my off or leave or null-mc since day one i started work at this mosque. and my heart body and soul is dedicated to this work, there's so many works that needed to be done and some people actually claimed their rights of a holiday, when face it, their working hours are much lesser than expected! given too much leeway already! i understand them and the least i'm asking from them is spare a small priority to the pending tasks.
and nowadays, i feel more tired than usual and its got nothing to do with the world cup.

ok let's stop. it's definitely a nice morning and i thank Lord for giving me this and i do not want to spoil the serenity.

i pray for better days and the near future change might be a doorway to more changes. and i hope my significant other will always be there to support me. it's a lot of hardwork. but nobody said marriage is easy. and truth be told, i'm feeling anxious already with the preparations and that there's many things i havent done.

to everyone out there, spare a do'a for me.
thanks.

have a great week ahead. insya Allah.

taste of ink

2010-06-05T15:58:00.001+08:00

I swear i miss writing and blogging.

handle with care

2010-03-21T22:30:00.003+08:00

i'm indulging myself in jodi picoult's handle with care and perhaps cure this sadness and crushed feeling i'd been having the whole week. and just trying to forget the whole thing and bring myself up to face whatever needs done next.

it made me wonder why am i doing all this? what is it i want to achieve out of all this hard work? when in one ear fiery remark can tore your heart. but like a senior adviced, don't show your emotions and stay strong. and here i am, being strong. as always.

the thing is, if my being busy is my mistake and a bad reason to not have called, as opposed to parents' -quote-busy the whole year-unquote- well with all due respect to all parents out there, let's do the math:
i am busy because i have other 600 students(as oppose to two teens) to care for and making sure they really learnt what they should have been learning at home in the first place.
i am busy because i have 600 students to discipline and learn how to respect, when parents don't show that they respect other people.
i am busy because i have 1200 parents' bizarre expectations and demands to sanely deal with.
i am busy because i have 5-DIGITS dollars of unpaid fees to think of recovering.
i am busy because i have 9 team members who i have to keep together to be able to deliver the job in the most perfect manner. and i mean perfect.
i am busy because i have only 365 days in a year to save my ass before 600 students and 1200 parents made me accountable when facing HIM after a lifetime.

so do i apologise for being busy?

i am not saying my responsibility is any bigger or harder than parents. no. their responsibility and busy-ness is of utmost nobility. but with that nobility, i do not think it gives parents the high and mighty-ness to snap at me or any other asatizah. if i can show them all respect, as i have been taught by my own parents, couldnt they give a speck of that to us? i mean, please, enlighten me, i do not understand why cant there be mutual respect?

well i am not generalising, this happened among some, while many others have been very supportive and i am truly truly grateful of that.

and i hope there is no one out there who's hurt by this post of mine, but if the reader happens to be a parent, let's think about it...why do we always complain when teacher did so much. why are we unable to respect teachers, no matter how young they are when they are taking a portion of the burden of educating the children?

my parents have never shown disrespect to my and my sibs' teachers. and we've learnt that. and i pray that when i have children, i will respect their teachers.

i am but a small fry in this world.

seri in wonderland

2010-03-10T22:32:00.004+08:00

i'm so mesmerized by the colours of the movie that i fail to see the lessons on philosophy in alice in wonderland.

but at the moment, all i can think of is dreamland, work has been very hectic (has there been a time when i complain work is NOT hectic?) heart body mind and soul hectic.

and i wanted to blog about so many things but after reading my close friends' blogs and seeing how so many people are so much in love that i cant help but feel blessed that me too have someone to love. ;)

so, it seems like the acronym of the moment: ILY. so i want to say it too.

to you and only you. ILY.
:D

clap to the song

2010-03-03T23:38:00.002+08:00

so when my thoughts turn to you, i have this happy song to keep me company.

speeding thoughts

2010-02-25T23:18:00.004+08:00

there's going to be our very first maulid rasul celebration at the mosque this saturday and it's making me restless. i couldn't sleep the whole of last night just thinking about it! i keep going through the things that needed to be done over and over, worried that i will forget them the very next day! it's almost like a speeding train not knowing when to stop :/

when i did get to sleep, i think i slept for a short while before the alarm sounded and then aware of my sisters walking about getting ready for school. as soon as i reached work, my mind already reeling with so many things.

but i know everything will turn out well, insya Allah. i really hope it will. speaking of which, tomorrow i have to call up people!! don't forget that seri! and email those applicants who want to teach!

ok. breath in breath out. things will go well. am excited and nervous. but hey, i always feel like this before every event. haha!

and the best thing would be to play as many selawats as possible on this day. i always felt my heart 'jumping' with joy everytime we played a selawat. i missed those feeling. and i missed those times at my old school when we have our very own session of maulids. if only among my teachers are almaarifians who could reminisce with me those beautiful times and perhaps, have it as a culture at school. i wouuld love those. (hehe, better start looking for juniors who are willing to teach:))

*************

and because you dedicate the song to me...
i.m.y. yes. you.

greek pseudo gods and a stealing monkey

2010-02-17T21:33:00.007+08:00

i am truly and really grateful for this chinese new year break. do you know how much i desperately need this break? to be away from work physically and just recuperate. having some proper family time and not having to worry about work.

a good break alhamdulillah, and now on to the other quest that i've set my mind on, which hasnt been going on really well. it's difficult, really. it's like being trapped in this cocoon and struggling very hard to free yourself from that grip of invisible hands. but i must free myself. and it's all in the heart and soul. it's difficult.

i watched percy jackson twice. and not because i love the movie, but one time with dearest one and the second time with dearest ones. but percy doesn't give me any more excitement than my renewed interest in greek mythology with all its chaos and family feuds, and i mean it, family feuds and all its complicated cosmology. i was truly fascinated with greek myths as soon as i can read by myself and it was the reason i loved fantasy and myths. and yes roman and greek myths are different although inter-influential between the two. looking forward to clash of the titans for something more concrete and real.

valentine's day the movie was nicer. it shows how much things can happen in twenty four hours and it revolves around love and loving and being loved in all its goodness and bad.

and if i've walked 10km or so sometime ago, yesterday, i got to cycle double the distance to and fro (home to upper/lower pierce) and i love it! the thought that i can go almost anywhere in this island and distance become less an obstacle. all the cycling took us only about two hours! it does help 'clear' my mind and let out some sweat, which is a rare thing to me:) i love the scenery of trees and reservoir, and the fresh air and i'm still a little scared of the little monkey who stole our famous amos(!) :)

i wish this break is longer...even after two day extension of this break. i need more!! hehehe.

but i am happy. and i think i'm refreshed and willing to start work with a new outlook. positivity and clear of doubts or stress.

alhamdulillah. haza min fadhli rabbi.

that's it!!

2010-02-10T20:35:00.003+08:00

that's it i'm officially stressed!! Yes stress is good stress is motivating yada yada yada. but right now i've had it!

i hear so many complains from fellow colleagues about this and that and i feel stupid because i cant help them and then there's the teachers with their this and that. it's like i have 101 things to do and i have to listen to 101 things and then there's all these expectations and plannings and implementings needed to be done just to ensure things are going the right way!

i just want to do my job right. is that too much to ask??!!

i mean, God, sometimes i love what i'm doing but sometimes it's just too much.

yes there's some workshops attended and then tips to manage this and that but really, when there's too many spiderwebs, you just want to sweep them away!

*i'm screaming in my head*

and let's not talk about this abode!

holding on

2010-02-09T20:10:00.001+08:00

here is me
feeling further
by the minute
terribly far
and lost

scared and unknowing
is this a fate
or is this a test

for who can deny His Will
and would me believing
in this doom fate
be a salvation of faith

i yearn for
a fulfilled heart
a fulfilled soul
a fulfilled mind

please don't let me fall
please don't push me away

Lord,
please let me hold on to You
please let me be amidst Your love
please let me be strong

let me be in this fear
for all i know
its a message of love

right?

aMUSEd

2010-02-05T16:41:00.004+08:00

a continuous every single minute of Muse hits, fantastic lights and eye catching visuals, and every word worth of awesomeness. unintended none but starlight seals the heart, and supermassive black holes gets me up on my feet.

new toy

2010-02-02T22:02:00.003+08:00

and i have a new toy! thanks to lil sis nuri i'm into scraps...the online version! from scrapblog.com. there, you have it, very first trial of online scrap. but don't be fooled, the backgrounds and what not are templates, i just add in the words and bits and pieces.

although i'm ready to create one from scatch!! :)) yey, now i have some form of online hobby!

always be there

2010-01-30T22:26:00.002+08:00

in an attempt to find some suitable songs which can be played in class, i found maher zain. and i have to say his songs are good, music and lyric wise. just today i had to teach about friends and being there and relating to a qudsi tradition, i thought maher zain's always be there is the right song to play along. and i'm hooked. for the time being.

on side track, i had the chance to watch Julia and Julie out of bored-ness, and it's such a good nice feeling movie and i have all these 'awww' moments in the movie! marriage, a husband, a house, cooking for the husband....they make it look so simple and fun~ and i have this "gee-i can't wait" feeling. hehehe:)

so am a certified couch potato, only for today, tonight. am on to night at the museum ii. got to enjoy this!

signing off,
seri @ her random

2009 Recall

2010-01-26T23:04:00.002+08:00

I know it's way overdue and when people have already jumped on 2010 wagon and pretty much waved goodbye to 2009, i thought i shall not miss out the 'traditional' recap of what the year had been. but this shall not take too long and i wont blabber much because there are only two things i wanted to have as the landmarks of 2009.

the e-word. the single but not available. attached. whatever you want to call it. i'm yours.

i have always thought it's going to be difficult to be in a relationship, but turns out, i wont say it's perfect but it has been pretty much smooth sailing. or it may just still the tip of the iceberg.

i will not deny there were some difficult thoughts going on and serious deep decision made but i believe this is also directed by the Lord and everyday i pray that this gracious good is eternal and i believe that in hardships and happiness, i will be with this man. still, Lord knows better but at this point, i'm taking it all in, breathing and living these days and memories.

another e-word. education. heading it, leading it, managing it, being it. never said it was easy and never will i guess. it's everything from my brain, to my body and soul. literally. this job, i'm telling you, its a love and hate relationship. its a bittersweet joy. the circles of influence and control are grey matters and when you're just in the rhythm, something smack you in the face and make things difficult.

but these made my 2009 fulfilled.

and regret non grata, i am grateful with all that had been, and will be. life is loved.

to thank You Lord, is never enough...

taste of ink

2010-01-26T22:53:00.001+08:00

for so long i've wanted a niche for my blog but never quite decided what to do about it.
it was a space for my impromptu and sudden surge of thoughts in amateur poetry.
it was a space for pictures with meaningful reflections although it didnt happen much here.
it was a space for some pseudo serious blogging.
it was a space for collections of quotes and stories i read from other sites and thought it would be useful to have it in one place, thus the purpose of this blog.

and then i knew this will be a space dedicated to my line of work.
although it was very much vague how i want it to be with, again, bits and pieces of information.
out of utter boredomness and specks of stressful brain energy, i thought this will be the place where i can actually write on my real experiences of setting up an education centre.
for the past year, it had been days and days of laments and self motivation on this career am building but without reflection.

so i think it's about time now.

extract from taste of ink the blog

hari hijau

2010-01-15T12:39:00.003+08:00

green day was superb!

that was six years ago and they still rocked the concert 6 years down the lane. for being in the scene for 2 decades, surely they have fans from two generations at least. i cant help noticing fathers and sons bonding @ a concert.

and listening to green day is just not the same anymore after listening and watching them live.

cut the tree

2010-01-11T21:48:00.003+08:00

now perhaps in seven habits we have what we know as sharpen the saw... simply said practice makes perfect. but all i'm thinking is to start sharpening the mind with these on the list:

childhood education
best teaching methods
religions
be up to date to news (i have taken for granted and not watch or read the news properly for the past year!)
sharpen my fiqh, read up my tauhid, and everything related to it
and yes, definitely read up those books unread as of yet!

and as have learnt, assert: I HAVE TIME

and yes i will start today.

heart made of lego

2010-01-10T19:12:00.004+08:00

i wanted to blog, but actually, i couldnt stop myself from reading The hour i first believed. i started reading the book weeks ago, but had to put it away because time doesnt allow me to and now that today, for once, i got a whole sunday and i just cant stop reading it.

there's a number of storyline in the novel but am now at the part where the main character caeluhm's wife was in the library when columbine high school shooting rampage happened. and then it went to how maureen the wife had to deal with the trauma,(while at the same time, caelum was mourning for his aunt's death who practically raised him and the loss of his friend who was one of the victim of the shooting rampage)....and i had to pull myself away from the book.

just one week into 2010, first day of madrasah was better than what i expected (i had imagined worst) and although there a glitches, those are bound to happen, has there been perfectness in anything? so i'm learning. always.

like how we need to constantly be in communication with parents because one whole month of holiday and they got disoriented....i feel like we need to have newsletters now. i really think so, and with three fulltime teachers, this should be some work to do.

and if last year i experimented with group agreement, which really worked at some point, this year i'm trying out 'trainer's expectations' and i hope this can create better learning experience. and i had a spiritual awakening yesterday when i shared with my students my expectations from the classes this year. it's like a zap of light in an instance the moment i mentioned the word. it goes straight to the heart.

there's a lot of things to improve. and plan. and decide.

it's going to get busy definitely.

oklah, maghrib oredi...signing off.

and a whole sunday rest...i'm loving it.

10 km and an island

2009-12-27T22:26:00.005+08:00

what does 10km walk and cycling around pulau Ubin have in common?
They both hurt my legs!!! haha!

but i enjoyed and loved the whole experience of them both.
the walk from macritchie, treetop walk and surprise, surprise, all the way to bukit timah's peak, i never know i had it in me to endure the walk, the whole journey!!! seriously. exhausted definitely, but we just walked on and on and the nature made me forget at times the tiredness. walking to work may now seems like a very very easy feat. only that i need a good shoe~

i really love the walk, makes me sweat (what's with all that sitting in the office) and my eyes enjoying the green green and more green (without specs nor lens)and it amazes me really that you can go from one place to another through this nature trails, away from the road. and especially when i found out that from bukit timah to macritchie, we had to take two different buses!

and if you're wondering, of course i didn't walk alone. there's the master of walking himself. i love it, i mean, u. ;)

and after a one day rest, went to pulau ubin for a cycling adventure, as my little bro called it, he was so excited about it! but cycling was much harder than walking, for me la. even with all the 15 min cycles i did every day to work. but i must say i may have improved than the last time i cycled at pulau ubin. when was that? i knew that first time i really could not take it.

despite the cramps, i enjoy these outdoor days.

only....i saw the news tonight and cyclists on pathways can get fined if they are caught! does that mean i cannot cycle to work anymore??? but i just started to love cycling...and i cant possibly cycle on the road, can i? that would be more scary and yes the fact that it's dangerous!

why do they have to take away the joy of cycling; it lets busy people like us have the chance to have some fitness routine (while cycling to and from work), and less pollution with all them cars, and less time consuming when we want to go to places around the neighbourhood. and the fact that it saves money to cycle. why do they have to make simple cycling difficult??!!

or perhaps i misunderstand the news? (ok got to check again!)

and then it's "turkey"(bowling term) for malays in the singapore idols!! three in a row!! :D

oklaaaa, few more days before the year ends. got to meet the girls one of these days and wow, a new year begins, exciting 2010.

my avatar

2009-12-21T20:26:00.003+08:00

are you blogging?

yes i am

like for how long since you've last blogged?

hmmmm 10 days ago?

so i've purposely missed to blog the past few days. my mind has been preoccupied with work (duhh what else?) and realising that i do need to recharge before the 2010 starts. i;ve been counting days and contemplating exactly which day i will have some time to spend by myself, some quality time with my family and fiance. i mean i did go out with them but i feel like it's more out of necessity, rather than really spending time with them. and i do need to spend one whole day just reading and lost myself in another world before getting back into reality. but december's ending and i don't think i have the luxury of doing items mentioned above.

but i do treasure those times, no matter how short it was with these people who mattered the most to me. like the time when we got to spend one day with your family and then mine, even if its unplanned, and the weddings day and yes, a trip to bottle tree park, although i wished we could have stayed longer (it was our one year after all)...and for that matter, i don't think i've had chance to chill out with the girls this month!! except for weddings~

but in conjunction to the new islamic year 1431. i pray for the guidance, wisdom and patience to face the new challenges, what have them, work sense. it's going to be exciting, yes, but a lot more to be done with triple the number of students and triple the number of teachers to handle. my Lord, i need to be strong and smart. more than ever.

and for being knowledge-ly stagnant, i need to go to talks and read more! speaking of which, i do have a queue of books waiting to be read.

and then 2010 is THE year. got to start counting the days~ ;)

a lot is going to happen. i pray for health! indeed.

another worth talking about is Avatar the Movie. watched it with dear and my siblings. and i think i might want to watch it again since siti baby didn't get to come along being away at vietnam. engrossed and indulged in the pandora world of trees and magnificent creatures. it almost makes me want to live in such a world. so connected to nature and strong sense of belief, of oneness and love to all beings. very fantasy. i love it. i see you :P

so with 7 habits trained and understood, i want to apply those and perhaps change for the better.

with you and my family. i think i can go through all this.

space to breathe

2009-12-05T22:14:00.004+08:00

work is always about moving from one task to another. always and seemingly neverending. believe me. last week was all about korban. this week was all about orientation. the amount of physical and thought energy it took, not forgetting the utter nervousness i had all week, knowing i had to conduct this round of orientation by myself!

so this morning was the orientation, i stayed up quite late last night, rehearsing to the slides, which thankfully was prepared for all mosques. i just had to understand what the slides are all about and remembering exactly what to say, but knowing me, i ended up talking impromptu, whatever script i wrote or tried to memorise went out the window.

of course, i still need alot of improvements. A LOT. there are times when the word just don't come out and then some points which i missed out to mention. but alhamdulillah, it went well, teachers who came to help were on automotum, registration, activities for the children, although a bit quite messed up, because we weren't expecting a WHOLE AUDITORIUM FULL OF PARENTS.

next time must always expect the unexpected and prepare with more precise details. i was nervouse prior to the session,, but once i was on stage it's like do or die. i hope i get to do better orientation next time. only i didnt know why i suddenly had a runny nose in the middle of the presentation, and i had to catch a lot of breath.

thank you Lord, at least this went well. now on to what's next on the list!

yes...it's been a whole year. with you.

my sacrifice

2009-12-02T22:24:00.002+08:00

suddenly being reminded of the creed's song my sacrifice...

despite all the late nights, the late meetings, the lateness of the kambings arriving at our mosque :) we pretty much had a smooth operation of korban. ALHAMDULILLAH. really. with the vendors' expertise and some very good mmbs on the ground, we made it. our very first korban. and yes, definitely the volunteers who practically spent the WHOLE day at the mosque. may Allah bless them for all the good work they did.

of course there are bound to be some glitches, but alhamdulillah, if there are problems, it was overcame quickly and diplomatically. what's important, the people are happy with the service.

and so i pray, that Lord, please give us strength, patience, sincerity and wisdom in this line of work we are doing. please save us from fitnahs and evil eyes. please.
let every word that comes from my mouth be the truth.

eidul adha

2009-11-27T01:49:00.001+08:00

eid mubarak~

15 strands of signs of stress and i hope everything goes PERFECT tomorrow.

so help me God.

work wise

2009-11-21T22:18:00.007+08:00

first it was living life. with the hopes it can bring a smile and some sort of motivation. yes it did bring a smile.

now it's just...i'm NOT in a good mood, a huge headache residing....terribly a mess. i hated these peak seasons.

period.

let's get these things done and over with. please. i've had it.

and i don't enjoy gilbert's as much as i thought i would.

and the talk i went to on friday was depressing. will relate on that later.

living life

2009-11-18T21:26:00.001+08:00

sleepy eyes

2009-11-18T01:07:00.003+08:00

between reading and doing some paperwork
between sleeping and continuing to do work ...errrrggghhh

2009-11-12T22:44:00.003+08:00

i'm so distracted by eat, pray, love. i wanted to do my work but everytime i stepped home, i can't seem to follow through. i have tonnes of things to complete and not enough time at work, that i thought i would finish them at home. but a BIG NO.

i can have all them papers and notes but it can take me a while before i can accomplish something. but maybe it's just my brain and body's way of telling me that stop, it's your rest time, you shouldnt be doing any work. you need to recuperate.

yes, recuperate. before i go on and rebelliously procrastinate things.

well, i've been to two talks for the past days. its mind boggling and as much as i missed those days back in uni reading all those books and attending lectures, and being in these talks somewhat brings back those reminiscence, apart from some fine information gained, i cannot help thinking, let's leave all these theories to the thinkers, and let me do my work! irony. for one of the talk, or they call it workshop i went to was something on 'thought' leadership. very sociological and trying to instill in us on thinking strategically and having that sociological imagination, ok simply, having that bigger picture (for God's sake, i learnt sociology back then). i mean these are good information for my work. i love knowledge. but am at a rhythm where i just want to get things done, practical mode. and i love thinking but if i want to think, it can take me a whole day just thinking and reading and trying to form hypothesis, but now i cannot do that.

and when people starts spewing those (word)-istic terms, with those oh-so-debating mode, i shut myself off. for knowledge sake, they're just presenting and sharing their research. let's not be too much argumentative about it?

and why am i so uptight about this?

oh yea, can i say it again, living in this small dot of an island is...difficult.

november rain

2009-11-09T18:22:00.007+08:00

and so i wanted to blog. after a day of laundry and suspending a sub and reading for the second time, The Glass Castle (because it's also a gift from you). and now on to gilbert's eat pray love. when by right, i still have oh so many pending works to do post-retreat at batam. it's a dread. but it's work, you just have to do it.

let's congratulate dear fren dyan for the beautiful wedding accompanied by heavy november rain, which, for a split second, i felt like happy tears for her, him and their family. like there's one more soul encompassing us. bless her dear late mother. and my fren especially, looked gorgeous! the devil in manolos no more! :P
although as her 'maids' we pretty much have work to do, but i realised i enjoyed the whole event especially when the dj started to play songs from her playlist, which pretty much similar to my music genre (muse, no use for a name, radiohead and etcetc)and seeing people having fun at the photobooth with some funny props.

some of my personal faves from the many pics i've grabbed from the bridesmaids' cameras.

the very best for dyan and zaki. and while i'm writing, i mean, blogging this, they're probably somewhere in Europe~

and the meet with beloved girlfriends is fantabalustic and encyclopedic night with jokes and sharings and surprises. with the sudden excitement on mcd monopoly (everyone rooting for sentosa cove) and selebriti 'treatments' and pseudo magical powers, and oh yes, definitely tis the season to get married. :D

i love them babes.

although for the happy moments for a friend or with friends, i also had to sacrifice some time away from my one and only. i hated having to disappoint you...and seems like it's going to be this way for the next coming weeks:/ okay maybe not as bad as the past weeks, i hope. and you have shown much patience since day one i've known you.

we still have a sunrise to catch. but a lifetime to experience it.

and no i did not forget Y*una

2009-10-27T21:47:00.004+08:00

and after the whole load of burden taken off and the excitement of checking out the very very competitive industry of wedding services.

we get to finish off the week with Y*una LIVE. so much for going for a 10th anniversary m*occ*a performance, we're there @ SAM for Y*una~ and we love it! there were four local performances to start off, well good to know we do have talents, and apart from the drums and guitars, i don't really understand what is it they were singing. it's either the music's too loud or they don't sing clear enough (redundant seh seri) but anyway....

...you've got to love this girl! she sings real well (and clear at that), down to earth and her band members are all talented guys~

although it's a bit unusually different to have a mini concert at an auditorium albeit smaller than expected, and the room not even half full!!

of dresses and dais

2009-10-26T23:26:00.004+08:00

for once, after a whole series of reminders and...well...naggings from your highness, i am officially headache-d by the many bridals and catering services. our initial plan to just go checkout less than three services, but it expanded that now, i can't decide which to choose!! it's like from one service to another~~ but one thing is, we can't really compare between these services. each has their own strength and specialities. and every single detail is important~ the dresses of course, the dais(!!) and even food is utmost important!

although i've ruled out some bridal we've went to, i'm still left with one, or two, or three choices..

i never knew it had to be this difficult!! almost like a lifetime decision seh~

so amidst the meetings and work, i have these to think of, but i actually ENJOYED it! :D

and i did one thing which i've always wanted to do and although it brought a lot of courage and i really felt a huge relief after doing it! and i say, a huge relief. almost like a big stone taken out from a load i had to bear. i'm happy it happened because for all that was in the past, they are good people. one was a very good friend. and i'm just glad i got to share a glimpse of joy.

hope for the misery

2009-10-16T21:32:00.006+08:00

i do not want to lament about work. because as much as i am so stressed out with work, there are other people out there who are have much more responsibilities, more time spent at work, more rushing for reports and whatever, so much more than i could ever have. it's not just me who are working, but probably billions of people out there, who are facing the same busy mode as me.

but i have to say, these days, i've been putting up a calm face, smile and listen to whatever has been discussed meetings after meetings with utter concentration and focus, when in reality, i'm just fighting tears and headaches. i think i have never been this stressed out about work. my work is already chaotic, add up to being one staff down and me taking over for until the new kid comes in, like double work already!!!! no, triple work!!! it's too much la seh~

and still i have to move on. i mean, no point whining or complaining right? i've always been that, Take it all in, and just do it. to h*** whatever happen.

because only i can do it. (that's another thing, people seems to think i can do it, when sometimes i wonder what if i actually can't?)

of songkets, lacy affairs and stomping rebana

2009-10-14T19:59:00.006+08:00

last weekend was probably one of the weekends that will remain in memory for quite some time.
for the first time ever, in a gathering with delicious scrumptious food, i wasnt able to enjoy them as much as i would have imagined. macaroni medley, bread and butter pudding, sate, brownies and just everything nice! if you're wondering what event? it's a teachers' day cum eid gathering at begonia downtown!

i happened to be the so called floor coordinator where i oversaw that everything is on time (or at least try to, when we started 30 minutes late!) and alerting the emcee-dj warna of what comes next and all. by the time it was lunch, i was just so exhausted i couldn't care what was on buffet~

i guess things went well except for a few glitches, like our video clip couldn't play out nicely with the music, since the laptop was lagging, and the few minutes undecidedness of whether to continue with the performances or continue after lunch and whatnots. people might not noticed, but at the 'floor' its not that organized. i don't know if it's just me or instructions are just coming from everywhere! i was just glad it was over! still, i enjoyed it all the same. everyone did work hard for this.

so afterwards, went to the lacy affair of red and pink at the majestic with the bride's maids and the bride aka the devil in manolos! the place was fantastic! i love the place and i love spending the day with them girls! managed to catch two movies the proposal (although we didnt finish it) and bride wars. tabooing the words 'wedding' and the groom's name and anything related to it was the funniest, apparently most of us seems to forget the taboo rules and unconsciously mentioned them words couple of times! penalty? spanked by the devil's fork-

and scrumptious pasta, chips and dips, chocolate fondue with marshmallows and strawberries ~drools~ and yes, cameras and pictures of us!! and for once, i got my 'wish' of being in america's next top model~ ;) the pics made my day~ but well, restricted to only 7 of us, not for public~

and if being there during your wedding marks a sincere friendship, i will want to be there, it won't make up for the years and part of your life i've missed but i hope it shows how much your friendship is important to me and a big chunk of my school memories revolves around you, i mean, there's roswell, and endless notes we passed during lessons in class just so we'd stayed awake and rave about max and liz and whatever comes to mind and introduced me to local bands and was it Big O mag that was our supplement english readings? i have always admired your intelligence and confidence and unique creativity like a personalised invitation card for studygroup, birthday cards and whatnots. and it's not dyan if it isnt chuck palahniuk's books...

it's just sad i couldnt stayed for the night, and i hate to give the reason that i had to work on sunday mornings!! i hate saying it becuase i shouldnt be working on sundays~ *sigh* i would love to jump into the pool!

that was what happened on saturday...
sunday was about stomp, ear thumping and clappings and amazing beats out of cans, rubber tubes, plastic and whatnots. entertaining much! i love it!
still having the drums ringing in my head, and guess who i get to see just at the concourse?
maman of teacher's pet singing live!!! and playing the last song: Kasihku pinjam wajahmu!!!
and our music adventure doesnt end there, when we went out and saw there's a malay cultural performance at the outdoor stage @ esplanade (or was it called outdoor theatre?) it was riau cultural music with much drums and kompangs, i can't understand a word-songs and dance performances.

as much as i was exhausted and tired last weekend, i enjoyed everything. :D
thank you to the bride and bridesmaids(!) and dearest, for my weekend felt almost like a getaway from the word 'work' and anything related to it (although i did bring along some paperwork, albeit 'unseriously' read)...

and thank dearest you for being there for me.

raya 2.9 and its even

2009-09-26T13:19:00.009+08:00

so i've been browsing so many raya pics from the (part of your life and updated every single second!!) facebook. what makes me happy looking at them photos are the smiles of the family members, the babies(!!) of so many acquaintances and their many firsts (first raya, first dress, first shoes, first time moms and dads and first whatevers) and yes i love the colours! i love looking at purple, green, brown, blue, pink (yikes!!pink???) pretty dresses! (it's becoming a hobby nowadays..especially.... :P)

raya this year has been simple, like i mentioned before, but with a difference...we are even numbers this year! :)) all those years taking the public transports and mam would always say i'm always the odd one out because sometimes i ended sitting alone on bus journeys :/

i must say we are all happy to have you with us this year. who would have thought, last year i was just a simple independent naivete who's always been 'alone'.....i am still a simple independent (in times of need) naivete but...yours. and it seems my blogging nowadays always referring to you. well, i don't think other people are reading mine anyway~

one year can make so much difference. unexpected but pleasant, or otherwise, unexpected and heartbreaking. i mean really, it felt like such a short time when a year has gone by. and countless changes, experiences, feelings have i felt. and as always, there will be some i took as some learning journeys of my life, and while others part of the many beautiful colours which paint my memories. but anyway, this post is not about life.

it's about taking everything in a day and make a picture of it in my mind and heart and appreciating the blessings i've had so far. i feel like i'm becoming a greed at taking it all in. i felt every single thing and moment in this life must be captured and treasured. every smiles and laughters must be remembered. but of course, giving my trust to the One and Only. Forgive me Lord. we always forget.

but i'm loving my life now and let's have a look at the purpled family.(and of the blue and maroon-ed)

hmmm.....if ramadhan is full of iftars every week, now it's open houses and invites to raya gatherings... apart from the food, i don't think i care that much anymore, i just want to spend some quality time with my family or read and do laundry!!

Raya 2.9

2009-09-20T00:34:00.002+08:00

hecticness beyond description. working weeks no end. no proper rest. working long hours. coming back home and rushing to clean the room, clear the mess, bake some simple cookies just so it 'felt' like raya-ness and hey, actually shopping much less this year! which is record breaking.

why? because i'm working, mom's working (which is terrible) and dad's home and had to do a lot more, we had quite a last minute shopping last saturday. really, rasa sedih pun ada because of my younger sisters and brother so looking forward to raya, and wearing nice clothes, looking pretty and handsome....it really was nice to see them sisters getting dresses they like and wearing heels this raya~ all in all, our shop for raya is quite minimal but i like it! haha.

and one disappointment is we couldn't get to rent a car because simply we think it's a bit too much to spend 4-500$ for a 3-4 days rent of car and pretty much most rentals are fully booked.

like my mother kept lamenting, sebab kerja ni...mematikan mood raya betul!

raya mode is not in by now, maybe because of the tiredness and all i want is to have some proper rest and enjoy food. erkkk...

oh yes, working on the eve of raya, albeit half day but still! and semi working on pagi raya. i don't think i can be used to this!

but let's look at a brighter and better angle. at the least, we have fasted for a whole month (of course minus 7 days for us ladies), volunteered time at the mosque and spent nights terawih and managing to read (although managed to read only half of it), still i don't feel i did enough. sometimes i hate myself for that. but the past cannot be undone. i pray for His mercy. for His forgiveness.

a nice eidul fitri to all. may all blessings be upon us insya allah.

and what matters is being with my family. my beautiful family. my life my joy.
and then there is you. :)

time and heart

2009-08-31T00:05:00.007+08:00

one week of ramadhan has passed and suddenly it's all going to pass in a short while. and the challenges has been more difficult the first week. mostly with time. rushing to finish reports, rushing to do this and that, pressures from so many sides. although there are times my brain feels numbed to all work.

been somewhat exhausted with everything that is going around, sometimes i woke up with a huge headache instead of a well rested sleep. biological clock is truly truly tested this month.

still, it has been a good start. it might be one of the perks of working at a mosque. alhamdulillah.

it's a serene joy to have the opportunity to help the volunteers preparing the meals for iftar, and day after day, the prayer hall is filled all four floors with jemaah every night. the tiredness is forgotten for a while. serving the Creator while serving the servants, insya Allah.

and my teens joined a value added programme which, at the same time, joining the camp the youth wing organized. barulah nampak ramai..but it was all in good cause, since there's a well-known company who are conducting some teens activities, pretty much related to the theme we are doing for this term which was on relationships and sexuality. only one setback was my misunderstanding of one activity. initially thought their wonderwalk is just around the mosque, it turned out to be an amazing race around Sengkang!! kesian my teens as surprised as their trainer about this but they have been super sporting!! and joined in all the same. my heart goes to them, although the whole time they were out, i was restless and kept praying they are all ok.

they reached the mosque at around 5.30pm, and i couldn't properly congrats them, because we were on to the next mosque programme with LPM and all. hopefully they got to have some good rest. i realized i'm caring for them just as i cared my two not-so-little siblings. :) trusting them but not willing to fully let go.

but anyway, all went well...and another week to go through...

it doesnt help that you are super busy too...i miss you.

Ramadhan 2.9

2009-08-24T00:45:00.004+08:00

ramadhan has come knocking on our doors and i thank Lord for giving me this one more chance and more insya Allah.

i wont lay plans or resolutions this time except to do what i can possibly do this time around and come out in victor insya Allah. dont get me wrong, i'm never one to fulfill resolutions, it somehow restricts me.

and new mosque was overwhelmed with people performing tarawih on the first night i'm truly awed.

what's different between this year and last year's ramadhan?
1/ a good start. i pray with this good start i strive to maintain the rhythm at least.
2/ there were flaws last year. i just want to improve.
3/ heh, and yeah my status as no longer available nor single...somehow it's a motivation to be better. :)

point is, barikillah humma lanaa fi syahri ramadhan. amiin.

a month has gone

2009-08-23T23:10:00.006+08:00

and so a month has gone by, time flies so fast that before we know it, ramadhan has come knocking on our doors. ramadhan mubarak!! may this be my ramadhan insya Allah.. anyways, for the past weeks, i've indulged myself in endless work...which i've begin to embrace and appreciate that busy-ness is somehow healthy and giving you a sense of fulfillment. i cannot imagine work without work so let's not fret or be stress about it ok :)

an opportunity to join in the very first basbeliamabims project, a gathering of four delegates from singapore, indonesia, malaysia and brunei. admittedly having not prepared mentally for the event and physically as i found out later, i think i've breezed through pretty well. for one thing, it's really been quite some time since i joined a 1-week programme which involved much conversation and activities, i was wondering where my energy went, recalling that during my iiu years, i was running around like there's no tomorrow. and so the whole trip was an enriching one with some good friends made along the way. although there's about 8 of us ladies in the group.

2 and a half days in singapore and 5 days around selangor. pretty much the host while in singapore and two night stay at NACLI, which is a very nice place beside the Kent Ridge Park, except for the winding flight of stairs we had to go up and down from our room to the main carpark! luckily i didn't bring the whole luggage, or else, i might just throw the luggage down the hill!

so in singapore, the delegates had a very focused schedule on new media as an outreach tool, going to mosques such as Sultan, Ghufran and Istighfar to share experiences and ways to outreach. i know the other delegates are pretty much amazed by aLive and honestly, i've the ambition that mwdh will be THE next centre. (need to maintain this momentum always, dont slack!)

we left for Malaysia on national day and the rest is history...hehe. A lot of visits to some interesting institutions, and am especially awed with Darul Quran and its beautiful majestic surroundings. we visited universiti sains islam malaysia, hub halal, and grand mosques such as al-azim @ melaka and masjid wilayah @ selangor. also, institut profesional baitulmal whoese director motivated us as well in his taklimat about the institute. interesting, students who get free education and become successful...from zero to hero, the tagline. if only we can have something like this back here in sg. especially in islamic education. that would be the ideal, really!

accomodation at ilim or institut latihan islam malaysia, which is a nice and comfortable place for me and roomie ustzh izzah. felt just like the mahallah days @ iiu.

apart from visits, we also had an outdoor activity of trekking a hill at Hutan Lipur, sungai Gabai, Ulu langat. i thought the many many walks i had had here must have been some form of practice for me, thank god for that!! ;) although it was quite scary since, we're going up a steep and slippery hill! some almost gave up but we all go through it fine and well. thought of taking pictures, but looking at the difficulty i thought i might dropped either the camera or my self, instead kept everything valuable in a friend's bag...we eventually reached the waterfall, cuma tak dapat nak really mandi sungai~ although i wasnt planning on it anyway. You must have been proud of me, hehe.

and oh yeah, we had fruits galore at an orang asli community. a portrayal of how islamic mission there is outreaching to them people.

also the opportunity of attending the musabaqah tilawah al-quran 2009, which was a nice coincidence and two of our young singaporean qari and qariah, won 4th place at an international level. hopefully, more attention will be given to this event here back home. overall, it is a nice experience and some new friends made and being away from work, i can tolerate, but away from family, hmmmm, not so much...it worsened because i don't really get much chance to update at real time, and only short periods for status updates and checking emails...

and i love it that i see you first thing. it's an imagination come true. :P

de-stress

2009-07-22T21:10:00.002+08:00

in need of some 'enlightenment', i've come up with a way how not to feel so stressed with my work.

- always tell yourself you LOVE YOUR JOB. you can do this either by writing it down many times. or simply say it to the mind. i did it many times now and it did help...in a way that you somehow feel like your mind loosen the tight knots of your brain.

- recall back why you are doing this job in the first place...in my case, it's because i like doing this..it's supposed to be exciting and so many angles of education to explore and the job really suits me. like karmic compatibility.

- have colleagues who give out positive vibes.

- smile and smile and smile.

- and look forward to a weekend.

- watch hindustan epic movies, comedies (sometimes, lawak2 bodoh cerita melayu helps), cartoons

- if all else fails, indulge and lost yourself in a fictional or a fantastical novel.

- better still, sleep.

but for now, no sleep yet...there's a stack of profiles i have to look through!

one happy thing: i'm doing my work on my new blue notebook! a gift from dear and that's a comfort in itself~

not a last lecture

2009-07-21T21:53:00.006+08:00

before this headache takes over and probably sleeping in earlier, let me put down a few thoughts.

i've been going through this course on working in a school environment and i cannot help thinking how fortunate i am to be able to attend this course! although something like a crash course on school environment and not so much on curriculum but yet it really helps me more in terms of managing a 'school' in its technical and administrative level. like for example the importance on safety at school, handling difficult parents and building partnerships, some behaviour management and useful tips, and just today we learnt on programme planning, focusing on the ground details like needs assessment and evaluating the programme.

it does give me more ideas on what to expect in my own job and more prepared. not to forget the trainer and a good role model to all of us. definitely enjoying her class. and applying what i've learnt!

finished reading The Last Lecture and i love it. inspiring heartbreaking and funny at the same time. also useful when it comes to how the author shared his experiences inspiring his own students. once you read it you cant seem to stop reading it~ (thanks to dear for the book)

i realised that really, life is short and i need to live today the best i can, fulfilling it with not just the everyday responsibilities, but especially with the people close to you. call me a romantic but i really admire everytime the author made reference to his wife, she 'the woman of his dreams' and how they value every minute they spent in the months after he knew of his deadly condition. really, i have to say his wife is a real one strong lady. with three small children to tend to without a husband....and the value of family...from how the author was brought up and educated by his parents should be modelled, briefly: how his parents allowed him to draw/paint his room with these 'big' ideas he had, READING as their daily staple...and what touches the heart was how the author really wants to have something which his children can remember him by, thus the book and the real last lecture he had at his university.

it's about dreams, living life and remember to always appreciate and treasure all that you have now and nothing beats family love.

there's a lot more to share from this book but i think it's worth a read. link to the last lecture-->
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

and so another day at work tomorrow. so many things to finish and complete. i've always thought working at mwdh is fast track! you really do feel like time flies so fast and decorating the classroom takes a whole day, reviewing the registration forms takes a whole day and emails and reports and not to say the upcoming sports day...i don't have time to breathe! pardon the exaggeration.

i would really appreciate a time out and a break to a place with a beautiful beach and cliffs and trees~ *sigh*

ok people lights off.

26 and Engaged

2009-07-16T22:11:00.015+08:00

a perfect week had gone by. i wish i can relived the week and savour the moments again. a moment of bonds of lurve, care and belief. and i am officially a fiancee to Suhaimi Tweevran. just saying it makes me glow laaa ;)

anyway, between working (it was the first week of classes back at the mosque...so imagine the number of calls i received and decisions and making sure things are well and running for the first day of classes!!) and preparing for the day, wahh really one of the times when my mind is just jumping from one thing to another...but alhamdulillah, our day went well and smooth. perfect just as i had imagined it!

first would be the backdrop. excellent work by Kak Tini of JG Wedding Creations. turqoise and beige curtains and white roses with a touch of butterflies. we had to have the backdrop to cover the shelves with its all nitty gritty bits and there is no way guests are going into my totally crammed room. but i'm truly glad we have it at the living room for the comfort of everyone and of course me, the princess (as little Amirah called me) haha.

oh before that, i have to say i'm really happy that the gifts turn out nice anyway, to me and my mother's eyes la. we did the final touches on the night before, adding pretty pretty yellow orchids and red carnations with some baby breaths to give more colour to our silver metallic and black themed hantarans. i hope you like it. ;)

and love the pouches for the bunga rampai!! and the handkerchief + hairclip gifts!

then came the cake, absolutely gorgeous cake!! (rinacreations.com)

and after what seemed so long...being dolled up..and thinking what have i put myself into(??!!)with all this make up on??! haha. but the dress is real nice and the idea is to feel like galadriel, which i think i did, especially when i was all ready and waiting at the living room, one of the LOTR dvd was on play. a very smart way to ease the nervousness ;)

and the moment came, amazingly huge crowd, and i thought you mentioned 20 from your side?? :) with my paternal and maternal family members, and his family members who came, our hall really saves the day.
two families bonded and really there's no word to describe the beautiful feeling especially when kak Surifah put on the ring. i mean my mind was just shouting THIS IS IT. SERI YOU'RE ENGAGED!!

at that few minutes, it actually felt long to me.:)
more pictures to feast on:
..paternal cousins and aunts..Thank you to my aunts for some of the cakes and puddings as gifts~ i heard the durian beancurd was a hit with the guests!
..from him..
Cik Saad and family-sans- Hanis. Thank you Suli for the Batik Cake
love these pics!

..his family..

my joy my life my everything and the most hardworking people on the day!!:) well people, you got your wish to see me having a boyfriend and engaged....and coming soon...haha

well there's a list of people i had to thank:
my paternal aunts for preparing some additional feast and yes, the durian beancurd(!)and some of the gifts for him
cousin suhaili for baking the mentioned cake. my aunt Wak Mal and family for staying the WHOLE day till late night to help clear up the buffet stuffs and whatnots.
kak Tini for the gorgeous backdrop cum dais, kak rina for the gorgeous cake, and cik leha for making me feel like a gorgeous galadriel..erkkk...:))
oh yes the caterer cik jehan for the best teh susu! and sumptuous food!
and dayah and husband othman for staying throughout as well and being the official photographer
my armoured petals for the nice gift! so going to use the wedding journal! ;) dyan and mahir and fana and Teach for coming~
and every single person who came and celebrate this meaningful day with me and my family. all of you make it more beautiful than ever. i kinda have a preview to the Big Day, hehe;)

and you, for making me a part of your life.
never in my imagination, has this very picture came to mind, but God has HIS ways and has lead me to you. you mean so much to me now more than ever. and i treasure every minute with you.
well, i can say we've never really been that far from one another all these years...it just takes us longer to find each other...

ps:thank you for the perfect gifts and the giant cake/cupcakes ;)and for pampering me with more books and more blue roses! and yes red roses would be nice sometimes;))

believe

2009-07-10T13:18:00.004+08:00

There's a few things which i've believed in:

1. i believe in my ability and capability that This Is the job for me. it's even two passion in one: religion and education. i believe i can soar and achieve much more in this line of work. that my being here is right.

2. i believe in talking to Him, regardless of my spiritual weightage at any point of my life. (i don't know if weightage is the right word, it just sounds right ;))

3. i believe in my family who has always believed in me. that we will stay strong and together no matter what happens. that my brothers and sisters will achieve success in their own way and interest. that whichever my parents had done, taught and chosen for me has, all along, directed by Him. for that i can't ask for more that just my ratu and romo to be here with me.

4. i believe in you. truly.

crossed parallel

2009-07-04T03:03:00.005+08:00

how can you know when it's your time? somehow a loss of life affected me much that till this night, i still think about it, and the deceased still pictured quite clearly in mind, despite not having known her enough.

is it because i had been too happy that the news came as a shock...utter suddenness, a reminder that happiness is HIS and can always be taken back.
is it because of the realisation that i couldn't get to know her as a family.
is it because i keep remembering to the day when she had been the one who handed me his gift to me.
i feel happy waiting for the day but i cant help thinking she wont be there. and why should i be rejoicing?

it hurts to know they are pained by this loss. and me, my family, we are deeply saddened by it.
although life has to move on. and pray Lord will help us all.

but you know what, i can never stop thinking that my most loved family members are not here to see me, see us. they have been gone for so many years but we can never forget them and will always miss them. i still remember those innocent years when i thought they will live for as long as i am but had them taken away. never stop remembering. it's the only comfort.

and right now it's crossed emotions running parallel. because it's all happiness and grief at the same time. it pained me to see and hear him in sadness, but this pain i cannot control.

(and i can't sleep for thinking about the orientation in a few hours' time and the load of things to be done...work in non-ender do they?!)
and a meet up with two of my petals is great to relive those memories. thank you babes and i'm so going to get used to being driven back home by qzaimah!! hehe.

please pray everything went well, what's with the first week of classes and THE day and whatnots.

i.m.y

Pride

2009-06-28T15:28:00.002+08:00

Watch.

No, it's not about the late music legend MJ, although the world is somehow grieving still for his loss. RIP MJ.

But it was my brother's performance at Chong Pan CC!! which is he? he's the handsome boy whereby towards the end he did a one-man show of going through the two lines of his NPCC peeps and eventually leading the team backstage. my little brother he is!!! and i am so proud of him!! great performance from the bowen sec npcc!!

plainly not responsive

2009-06-24T21:38:00.003+08:00

i have lost that energy and enthusiasm of working at home. there is NO WAY i can concentrate and start to do some small work. berangan je nak buat kerja kat rumah, but once i stepped home, i forgot what it was i was contemplating to do on the journey home....open up my laptop and i go merayap at other websites, mainly speaking Facebook...entah apa2 aje yang ada kat facebook, hehe :)

and i'll try to build up the interest by looking at my docs and it just goes blur.
it's interesting how your mind and body works. when you're at your office, your mind is like an avalanche of ideas and your body automatically sets itself to work (and i cannot grasp it when some people say they are bored at work, but each people to his/her own). but once you're at home, it's a totally different story. nothing works. and to think i used to work from home some time ago!!but funnily, these days, i go housechores mode :/

this cannot go on. i love my job and i have so many things to accomplish. please keep me motivated.

(side track: every time i watch a local drama, mesti ada aje adegan-adegan tak penting dan yang tak masuk akal, dan menyakitkan hati. *sigh* it just have to be, is it?!)

oklah, i intended to complete some work. but looks like i wont be doing any work AT ALL. so let't not waste electric energy and torture any readers to boredom.

in the mood for lego

2009-06-13T22:28:00.002+08:00

of all things to buy...and be fascintaed with...i bought for me LEGO!!! and i'm actually very much excited about it! like a born again child. wahh, 26 and heading a unit and one more month to go, still want to play lego~ aha! but i really think Lego is a good destress when you have many entangled stuffs in your mind...lego makes you think one step at a time and finding solutions..like how you put one block after another...and eventually creating something, whether conscious or unconscious(ok, takdela nak justify sangat why i bought Lego..oh ya...here's one very good reason: it can also be a learning tool!!)
and you know what i'll end up doing...grouping them blocks according to colours or sizes or shapes. i just did.

let's do lego together ok sometime :P

art folly random

2009-06-12T13:03:00.005+08:00

definitely a nice feeling to be awaken to a nice sunny day(despite the heat), looking out to the green park and breathe fresh air, and not have to go to work! haha!

some very random thoughts to fill up the space.

spent the first half of the day doing bits and pieces of what i've always wanted to do since started working at the mosque, and havent had the chance to. the room looks more...well like a girls room ...

helped to clear the kitchen and ....

was thinking of doing more of the gifts deco but ended up...

reading The White Tiger (Aravind Adiga). speaking of which, i just realized i tend to enjoy Man Booker Prize-d novels...

and i still prefer Yuna to Zee Avi

4 more weekends to go

and i'm actually doing the Gifts do-it-yourself way!! and i think it turned out pretty nice with some hot glue and laced ribbons here and there and you have a themed set of Gifts.

and then i remembered i have many other things to do work-related but i refuse to do anything...

because i'll be working on the weekends. (right...welcome to working saturdays AND sundays, albeit half day) just like the 'good' old days --- although i hope this will change come July

and throughout all the chaosness,

i had the opportunity to appreciate art although very much a newbie and knowing pretty much zilch of what's in the scene...thanks to dear with the heart of gold~

there's orchestra on Final Fantasy, and since our seat was on the second floor(or was it the third?), we got a good view of the screen where they show scenes from the many Final fantasy episodes and a bird's eye view of the talented talented musicians.
(i think they should soon have one on Lotr + orchestra!)

first time ever watching the performance of young shaolin martial arts, although very much contemporary.

and tricky Seven Boards of Tricks. i mean seriously tricky. with triangle and square boards to make whatnots..although we got pretty sleepy since some of the songs were in chinese and we can't for the heck of it understood what it all meant.

i know there are meanings behind every moves and dances but i couldn't figure it out, just like the cullberg ballet..although there's some sort of a storyline which i could follow but in all i can appreciate just how much talent and the energy and time put in to come up with a 100 minutes performance. all those passion they put in. pretty amazing. never had the chance to view performances before but it's a 'new breath of air' to be able to catch and see what's the hype is all about. have always wanted to experience them and you have given me that chance. thank you.

-holiday- programmes

2009-06-07T22:56:00.005+08:00

the very first childrens' programme held at the mosque went well! it was all about me running here and there assisting the teachers, printing worksheets and making sure the learning materials were provided, making decisions, food and more food for the kids and whatnots. eventually the smile of the children and their laughters and seeing how much they enjoy the programme were the greatest gifts of all~~

the overwhelming response and support from parents are as valuable as their children's happiness. organizing these holiday programmes had actually given me a glimpse of how it will be like when it comes to the real thing! and that is...in less than a month. what a long list of things to do!

enthusiastic, participative...a happy bunch! especially on the trip to pasir ris park on wednesday. of all days of the week, it had to rain that morning...but the powers above were on our side. just when we reached the park, the sun greeted us with such fine weather i almost cried with relief.

the younger ones had to collect seashells and dry leaves to make a collage and i was amazed at how sharp the kids can be. they could even spot the tiniest crab shells and squealed and jumping with such amazement everytime they found something. it made me remember why we were doing all these in the first place. beautiful children.

of course, there are always room for improvement. all through the week i noticed all the small details which i should really have thought of earlier and not take for granted. but alhamdulillah, children were safe and enjoyed the whole 5-days programme.

so this is the job i have chosen to tread upon...so much strength and mind energy....and i'm fortunate to have people around me encouraging and supporting me.

but i guess this is just the beginning, it'll get more easier as it goes along~

i need a break. and exciting July is just few more weeks to go!! ;)

officially

2009-05-17T21:36:00.002+08:00

the open house of the new mosque in the block marks its functioning for the public officially....three very challenging days has gone and i think it went well....i cannot be critical since everybody, and i mean everybody worked so hard to make it went succesfully. i am so glad it's done with. the preparations towards the event, my heart body and soul to decorate my classes. the nervousness and whatnots. i'm just real glad and HUGELY relieved that my mock class- cum colouring and drawing competition went so well!!! and my feet is hurting doubly bad!

and since the mosque is all about family as a niche "loving and affectionate mosque", i realised my family members pretty much involved themselves these few days...apart from me as the staff, my mother is also a member of the women's wing of the mosque, so we've practically spent the whole week at the mosque, mother helped to decorate class, nuri came to help around last friday, and then father bought lunches and got stuffs for us...my brothers for helping to move the books we bought for the Reading Room, and of course, my dear for lending us a hand sending the books to the mosque, accompanying me to collect mcys booklets and...more books.
what would i do without my family~~

so ok... let's stop here, my eyes really can't take it anymore....so...glad....it...went...well...zzzzzz

full force

2009-05-11T00:05:00.005+08:00

super duper busy since i step in full force at mawaddah. and it's only been a week!!! and time seems to fly double fast rate. straight away when i come in at 8.30, there's no time to 'warm-up' get to gear 2 and do emails, pick up calls, making decisions, and trying to decorate two classrooms as best i can, with the help of dear mother and my little sister nuri who tagged along last friday to help out. and somehow found ourselves staying a bit longer till 8pm~

last friday, i had to present in front of a whole auditorium and share a little bit with the volunteers what alive is all about...with a few last minute slides which alhamdulillah turned out pretty nice and straight to the point presentation. since it's also more of like a briefing to the volunteers so they know that we're conducting aLive as the madrasah. mother said it was a good presentation. thankfully it was an informal kind of setting since i mixed english and malay up there on stage! and i believe i spoke too fast!

and next week is going to be another looonngg week! but in any ways: everyone of you are invited to the family buzz at mawaddah this friday - saturday!

on to the next thing, somehow word got round among the aunts at the mosque that i'm...hmm...taken ;)because apparently some aunts were 'inquiring' about me and mother had to be clear about my 'status' with them. at the same time, it turns out everyone's excited for my birthday month...and i thought it's going to be a family affair!!
on that note: i don't know where to start and ideas all around that i need to focus, haha! these are like big things for me, the mosque, the family affair and the next year in line~

the weekend has been a short escape for me, watching Wolverine which is awesomeness, and glad that my brothers and sisters enjoyed the movie and the company as much i did.;) i mean, it's X-men!! who wouldn't enjoy it? i think there's more action to this than the Last Stand. and i've always liked stories where they tell you how things started and me being a non-comic reader, i appreciate the storyline. and first time truly watching star trek with real interest and enjoyment, even though there's some parts i don't understand in the movie. i told you i've seen more movies within these few months than i ever did in my 25 years of living.

mono: God has always directed my decisions and meeting you must have been part of the deal...

cloud 8 and a half ~

2009-05-03T22:14:00.004+08:00

there are some things which i can freely tell the world but there are also some others which i just can't bring myself to type it out here. no matter how good a news is. maybe because i tend to take these special things as really precious that only the closest would know. or that if i tell the whole world about it, it'll lose its 'preciousness'...but that's just my thinking anyway.

tomorrow marks the day..my first day at the new mosque. watch Detik @Suria sometime next week ;) they're going to talk about the mosque....full force at the mosque starting tomorrow and i mean it. i'm imagining i might have to work overtime even to settle the things there. there's humonguous amount of work to be done before it's opening day, say, in 11 more days! please pray for me peeps and if you guys have the time...come down to the mosque...i'll be there~ :)

and i think i've been to too many places in these few months than i'd had in the years i've been alive...having the opportunity to look at the 'world'...ok, ok, it's just Singapore, from many different angles...i've appreciated the sky and the trees, even buildings! so much for a small island~ although, if it's me, i appreciate the company more ;)

and today marks the day...of which...i've only heard so much but now i'm going through it myself. happy faces and dear feelings..can't believe its really happening but it's true. and ur true and i'm true.

orchids

2009-04-15T22:14:00.007+08:00

hehe, tell me i'm into flowers nowadays??!! but believe me, orchids ARE amazingly beautiful and my omnia proved to be useful in times of need. it took almost perfect pictures!!(to me laa)

anyway, if i'm going to be writing anything here, i'm telling you it's going to be same old same old because i'll be telling you that work has taken its toll and i'm going from one mosque to another (again!!) and for this whole week alone, i've been to and fro one mosque to another and rushing for meetings. as the time comes near, it's getting more and more demanding! and shall i put this in...exciting!! hehe. and part of the job is buying books!! it's like a dream come true when i can just pick out books, to my liking, and not having to pay for it, the legal way! haha!

may is going to be a blast~

although i'm thinking bearing a position does not mean we could raise voices to subs who are older, even if they're only a support officer. i think they deserve more respect. i've observed and i've learnt. having worked at places, sometimes i feel my being quiet is a given. as long as the job is done la kan. speakig of which...i myself need to be more decisive and i guess the only way to be that is to believe in my choices and decisions. i've always been a person who likes negotiation and listen more, but i guess now is the time to be more specific with what i want and execute them effectively, even if it means making a mistake. and i've mentioned before...a mistake is a lesson learnt. ;) although when you're handling education, you really can't afford to make mistakes.

amidst everything, i want to talk to God.

The fisherman

2009-04-07T19:42:00.001+08:00

A story @ Qisas.com

leaving you a moment to read and have a thought on it. whichever way you want to interpret it. my reflection, well can't hate hardwork and having a career if they can bring happiness in life in the most simplest way.
__________________________________________________

An investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The investment banker complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The fisherman replied, “Only a little while.”

The investment banker then asked, “Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?”

The fisherman said, “With this I have more than enough to support my family’s needs.”

The investment banker then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, stroll into the village each evening and spend time with my family, I have a full and busy life.”

The investment banker scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to a big town and eventually to the the city where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise.”

The fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

To which the investment banker replied, “15 to 20 years.”

“But what then?” asked the fisherman.

The investment banker laughed and said that’s the best part. “When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.”

“Millions?…Then what?”

The investment banker said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings and spend time with your family.”

sunflowers

2009-04-03T12:03:00.007+08:00

honestly, i'm a lucky happy girl to be feeling this way. having someone who really cares about me is, well, rather new to me. i never realise it can make your world go almost fantasy-like. tapi seri, berpijak di bumi nyata :))

HAPPY

anyway people, i really can't wait to move in to the new mosque!! haha, went there yesterday and i've actually aimed the workspace that i'm going to sit in!!
the thing is, the whole of this month, i'll be like going from one mosque to the other. which is, *sigh* just like last year, where i'll be rushing from one place to another for discussions and meetings. i thought i've had it nehh. but patience seri, it'll be like for two more months, and your VERY OWN WORKSPACE!! :))

although please pray that i'll do my work right.

eh, i didn't tell you about the talk i went like last week! was it last week? anyway, it was a talk by Abu yahya on early christianity and islam, looking at its similarities and differences. it really had been such a long time since i've been in a lecture and one which felt so familiar with me. terms and names which i've learnt before repeated and new knowledge added. it's definitely enriching. going to put up some proper reflection on that soon, insya Allah.
makes me want to be docent @ hC more often. it's passion i think, it's not just doing it for the sake of doing or da'wah thing. sometimes there doesn't have to be a reason to want to do something like, having a manicure or going to the zoo, or volunteering or simply doing your job.

although sometimes having a reason might justify things but really, it tires the brain la. can i just do it because i want to do it, i have the interest to pursue in it. sometimes, i can't think of an answer when people starts asking me like why do you do it? kenape eh? alamak, because i want to la!

orait, wouldn't want to make my blog a place for craps, haha. i'm just blabbering man!

i love it that you rush to see me (although, only we know) i love it that you worry about me and, i love the sunflowers of course. life is brighter. and i hope this will be as strong and persevere as can be. hmmm, well, i've been through treetops and an island for you. ;)

report strength

2009-03-29T23:50:00.004+08:00

'reporting strength' to my blog:

1. as you have noticed, i've changed the layout of the blog!! but it depends how long this layout remains and maybe i'll revert back to the previous skin. however, it does look clean and organized, and still segoe script for the font!
the changes this beloved blog has gone through...from grunge to emo fantasy to emo love to grey to blue background to white and now this. but my fave has to be the emo love with that cute couple pic. and the previous one. you guys' vote would help though~

2. after much contemplating and calculating, i got for myself a new handphone, or rather, a PDA (as i've been told). and presents....

it's a beauty laa...so sleek and bronze. although it's going to take some time to get used to the touchy screen, to the stylus even, to the interface and its functions, since i've been pretty much a normal sony ericsson phone user. ;)

3. with all these changes happening to me, like a particular haircut as well ;), i'm looking forward to better days! haha. honestly, i need to build up the inner me to face the new challenges and not disappoint myself, much less other people who have such confidence and trust in me. this is not the time for me to be thinking that i might not be the right person to do the job, because there is no turning back, truly. and i do not regret what i've chosen to do. i need to assert myself that I AM the person for the job. i can do this.

there's just so many things to do and learn and RE-learn! haha:))
_________________________________________________________________

mono: i never knew it hurt so much until it was mentioned. maybe i asked for it because i made that question. but the answer was unexpected. i don't understand why it hurt since it's only a past. and it's not like it had never been spoken before. but somehow it hurt more last night. i'm still feeling that small crushing feeling in my heart but i'm not going to let it rule la ok. it's now that matters. and a future which is still vague, i think i have the pieces of a puzzle, but i don't know whether it fits. don't break my heart.

teaching techniques

2009-03-19T20:40:00.000+08:00

here's five teaching techniques taken from 2think2learn video clip. found this in youtube anyway. good as a reminder to me and for others :))

1. Always have a genuine purpose behind the lessons you are delivering.

2. Make sure the material is engaging and interactive.

3. Allow students opportunity to direct their own learning.

4. Mistakes are an integral part of the learning process.

5. Humour releases tension - so use it often!

and also the power teaching techniques i've been checking put at youtube!
---> over at http://unpoeticpieces.blogspot.com/

when seri has nothing better to do

2009-03-18T23:27:00.004+08:00

this is what i do
scour people's notes at facebook
and see if there's anything interesting enough to try! haha!

My Debut Album
1 - Open http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
(alternatively, if the first article you hit is short, hit Random Article two more times.)---->Motivation

2 - Open http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.---->Follies and Misfortunes of Mankind

3 - Open http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover. ---->Only God can Judge me

4 - Use photoshop/paint or similar to put it all together.

5 - Post it to FB with "My Debut Album" in the "caption" and TAG the friends you want to join in.

Do I have a lot of time on my hands or what?
........
and my first indie album will be.....

but it's kind cool, coz although it's at random, it somehow kena la. ;P

yun*a

2009-03-16T00:48:00.002+08:00

this girl is Awesome. sound so much better LIVE. enough said.

view on me

2009-03-14T22:39:00.003+08:00

Just thought it's interesting to do this survey thing from mary's note at facebook.
somehow, there are some things which pretty much describe me~~~

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2 am in the morning

2009-03-12T01:57:00.004+08:00

i want to do this before it's 2 am in the morning. after so long sleeping in early, i've no idea why tonight i'm burning the midnight oil...hmm...so called heh.

for one thing, i'm reviving this multiply site which used to be dedicated to my teens students from a central north mosque....but i'm thinking why not make it a place or rather a space where i can dedicate my thoughts and reflections, in terms of this line i've chosen...of course...this blog will not be abandoned..and pretty soon, my posts will get redundant between here and there...but at least, there at the multiply site will not get mixed up with my everyday life :))

and tell me now...that setting up a place for education is EASY!! especially when the building's already there and you have to make do with what's given and no matter how small a room, you've got to utilise it because there is no other way and stretch whatever resources you might have.

to be honest, it's scary. and exciting. and i keep thinking i cannot do any mistake this time...although making mistakes are good. it teaches you...me. and that's what learning is all about right?
and sometimes little gestures is what makes me stand strong and reminded me that....THIS IS IT. i'm doing this. for instance,how can a teacher not be truly touched when her students bought her hot tea in the middle of a heavy rain and cold classroom? it's the most touching and sweet gesture of them.

i so need to do this right. and there's so many things to learn....and can i just get away from the chaos for a little while??

oklah, i admit it's pretty exciting you know, starting from scratch and making decisions and doing things my own way haha!

but let's put it this way...after like letting the kite fly so high, it needs to be tugged and pulled a little bit behind to set its flight back on track. so i need that now.

ps: can anyone from the americas vote adam lambert (american idol) for me? after all those seasons, now i know why some people are into this competition...especially when you have 'set' your heart on one of them, you just want to like support them all the way~ (ok ok not important)

so yeah, it's 2 am. i really should be sleeping or else...i won't get anything done tomorrow.
:))

pps: if you guys happen to have segoe script font installed, you should be able to read this blog in that font...and it's nice!! i like~

built to last

2009-03-03T22:24:00.005+08:00

super business. it almost felt like my Uni days, when i had to rush from one meeting to another, went to classes back to back and attended discussions and hands practically full of assignments, readings and tests. one difference though. back then, somehow, we still had time to spend with friends!

mosque nearby is up and ready soon. very soon. went to have a look with the board last sunday. with the heavy rain and constructions here and there, the board managed to point out defects and whatnots. my only concern was the classrooms. as soon as i saw the rooms, my head was reeling with which level this class should be, how many students can fit in, where's to put the whiteboard, shelves, table and chairs. the rooms look big enough but can't say for now because it was bare. once furnitures' in, it's going to be a different story and somehow i'm worried. :/
although, i'm loving the place!! get ready to lost your way in the mosque, there's so many doors and corridors!

and there's still loads of things to prepare, my goodness!!! as soon as i stepped into the office, apart from the morning messages ;) i'll be turning on the pc, check mails and always, list down things to accomplish within the next 8 hours. and people, bear in mind, we're not really allowed to surf at other leisure sites like blogs and facebook for instance. yes, we're cautious on those, but really, i don't even have the time to surf these sites now. my window tabs will include three different email accounts, dictionary.com, and googlesearch for when i need to research for my teens curriculum's articles. i used to have headaches reading articles from the screen, but i'm really getting the hang of it by now.

also catching up on reading. i refuse to deny my right to read! haha.

slumdog millionaire is a million bucks richer now. it's worth a watch. a child growing up in hardship and getting through it with, surprisingly fluent english (of course, it's just a movie, film- no need to get critical about this, aright). and that every question in 'who wants to be a millionaire' has an answer in Jamal's memories and experience, that's pretty smart, to me. but i couldn't understand why Anil the host had to call the cops. jamal and his brother salim were portrayed as muslims, although confused by circumstances and life hardship - i won't dwell on that now.

mono: castles are built to last, aren't they? even the rain form a memory and flowers non-wither last longer, although, dried roses will always remain fragrant in my box of heart ;)

pavlovian mats

2009-02-20T14:01:00.005+08:00

mats as in the 'mat melayu' in plural. pavlovian as in the psychologist ivan pavlov's conditioning theory. although what i'm going to say here is not really about pavlov's theory and how it works but believe or not, i'm thinking singaporean men, especially the malays, are getting their dose of education straight out from the tv and in the very comfort of their living room!

and it's about time! since most tv programmes are somehow produced with women and housewives in mind. so to target men is the new trend, i think.

first there was M.A.T or Misi Anak Tempatan. and it's an interesting show because it features young malay guys who've did and trying hard in their line of work or interest and who've somehow found success and satsifaction in the course of putting their heart, mind and body into a particular chosen line of work. whether you're a racer, or a kompang boy, what matters is putting your best in it. and ada WAWASAN laa. and apart from that, having a positive attitude and some noble manners brings out a lot more that people forget the kental part. wait, let me correct myself, there'll be no kentalans if a guy believes in what he wants and doing the best. it's not about what is 'cool' or not, but more of passion and identity working hand in hand.

for example, you have interest in skateboarding. well that's interest and can be a passion. but what shape your identity is not necessarily being a skateboarder, but your personality and manners, and let's admit this, girls love smart guys.

although i haven't watch these new drama series, i believe it's targetted to men as well. there's Anak Adam and Hi-Bro! and i believe it should be 'edu-tainment' as well somehow somewhere.

and this is my favourite : My Dad is Better than Your Dad! a gameshow in which, fathers team up with their son or daughter going through some obstacles and quizzes. if these doesn't teach fathers out there how to be bond with your children, i don't know what to say. who says fathers can't be gerek?

so really, i hope there's a paradigm shift of perspectives, of attitudes. to talk about the 'real' situation of what's happening on the ground, the number of financial assistance given out because there are men with families who just can't live up to their fatherhood. of course, there are always circumstances and difficult situations and deserving of these assistance. but there are those who JUST don't. i think my sdo-fdo-de friends can vouch for these.

ps: the new mosque is ready soon, i'm practically rushing for time to do a good job. and i've relieved of a project which has been burdening me and it has always been at the back of my mind. so releasing it is such a HUGE RELIEF. i can volunteer for it but i don't want to lead.

i've said it before, my da'wah is this: education. and somehow knowing i have given up the said project, i know i'll have some hours to spare...and i'm so going to read up books to enrich myself!! not story books la but books on education or religions. i so have to catch up!! :)

all nice in blue

2009-02-16T20:41:00.008+08:00

hectic week has left me exhausted with a sweet 'i-can't-describe-what-it is' feeling. ;)

to ma*hir, my closest friend since primary school years. the thing about closest friends is that you don't know how and why you end up together, why our friendships maintained till this day, and between you could be two stark different people. and of all friends who's been married for now, ma*hir's wedding seemed unbelievable. for one thing, it's become a common anticipation among our classmates, since ma*hir and aa.shiq had been together for the longest time, since sec 2? sec 3? albeit the hiccups now and then in relationships, they got through it all. i'm so proud of you la babe!! :)) (and i'm so glad i had a heart to heart talk with you last monday night).

it's a beautiful wedding, purple dais and bride n groom in white and gold, mahir's dress looked like galadriel's dress(!) during the nikah, and nice pastel colours, an English country theme on Sunday with a touch of bhangra! it was definitely something to be remembered! instead of the normal kompangs accompanying the groom, they had the bhangra!! i'm so happy for you la ma*hir & aa.shiq!

and somehow i got smitten by these handsome boys~

squeezed in some time on thursday night with the zharif babes at a non-zharif fullerton starbucks albeit with a sun sunny boy serving free crunchy and warm blueberry muffin and melt in your mouth choc cake. had the best laughters over jokes and facebook. thank you babes!

blue petals a sweet lullaby for as long as it can, but the memory of it stays. it seems like being with you, everything is a first for me.

bookmarks to match the books

2009-02-03T23:02:00.003+08:00

i was planning to tuck in early tonight, but i cannot resist the laptop~
on a short note, my mind has been going on non-stop, seriously with all the work needs to be done. yesterday and today, i felt like i'm a machine running on full non-stop, going from one thing to another, that time almost passed by unnoticed. although it's fulfilling knowing that i've accomplished some tasks. i must be enjoying what i'm doing huh?? hehe.

since i couldn't get the chance to find a box for my bookmarks, which by the way, 6 more bookmarks to reach 100(!) i created one myself using coloured ice cream sticks!!

ok, ok, it's not important news, but it makes me Happy!!! haha.

face down

2009-01-31T22:10:00.003+08:00

This is what you do when you're B.O.R.E.D.

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the memo as well as the person you got the memo from.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
i never wanted to - saosin

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
believe - yellowcard

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
letting you go - faktion

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
paper walls - yellowcard

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
damn regret - trja

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
believe - yellowcard

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
forever- papa roach

WHAT IS 2+2?
about a girl - the academy is...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
waiting game - yellowcard

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
the kill - 30stm

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
unintended - muse

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
beautiful lie -30stm

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
take it all away - faktion

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
anywhere - evanescence (this is so unexpected!!!...because i've dreamt of this)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
all the same - sick puppies

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
fallen leaves - billy talent

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
attack - 30stm

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
seven black roses - chicosci

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
beautiful mistake - the ataris (hmm, that's deep)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
not capable of love - the ataris (fear of losing actually)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
little death - +44

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
distance - faktion

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
from yesterday - 30stm

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
forever- papa roach (you can wait forever?)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
damn regret - trja :O

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
do it for me now - angels and airwaves (erkkk...)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
all the same - sick puppies

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
be my hero - october project

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, WHEN YOU MEET YOUR BOSS?
dashboard - modest mouse

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
face down - trja

APA APA SAJALAAAAAHHH

happy eclipse

2009-01-27T16:42:00.004+08:00

sumptuous lunch at seoul garden @ Taka meant alot to me, although i stayed with them for about 2 hours? i have never left them halfway, i've always managed to stay throughout in any outings we had. but yesterday was an exception. both meets are important to me. i couldn't choose. i know the girls would understand, right??

2 hours of laughters and sharings were more than enough. happy colours II in my thoughts and memories.

and then i got to catch a glimpse of the eclipse. amazing and priceless for two reasons.

i'm catching up on a new 'batch' of articles, so my mode of writing is more on that, not the bloggering type, pardon me.

-truly blissful-

the L word

2009-01-26T00:48:00.006+08:00

am in a state of drowsiness at 12.52 am, but i need to note this down.
i realised that each and every one of us bears a certain responsibility, whether conscious or unconsciously realising it. it's amazing actually.

you see, with all this hype of gaza and so many people being uptight about it, i mean who wouldn't, with my little knowledge of understanding politics and depressing war news, and seeing so many demonstrations and petitions going on, it's almost ridiculuos because u can't draw the line between true and sensationalised. all i need to know about war is innocent blood is shed, somehow i don't care who started it, either way, lives are lost.

but my point is, some people will do anything to help, write letters or set up donations, but i can be a mere follower and contribute in terms i can, but i may not have that drive to carry out that responsibility. because my 'perjuangan' my da'wah is not that. my mission is here, right here in this small island, in mosques, sharing as much knowledge as i can, no matter how mundane the subject will be, it does not matter that it's just a once a week thing. i guess this is my perjuangan, you know?

why i'm saying this is because, i used to ask myself, why can't i do this, why can't i be doing something 'big' that can seem to change the world, or why aren't i able to do that? it's not because i can't do, but because it's not my forte, it's not what He wants me to do because other people will be doing what they are able to, there'll be people who'll lead, but my perjuangan is to shape those leaders and share knowledge, for the future.

but you know what, i still think i have loads to learn more. there is still so many things i don't know. it never ends yea, learning.

so Learn.

angels and airwaves

2009-01-23T14:39:00.005+08:00

if anyone had been reading this blog, they'll know that my blogtitles don't always come in sync. most times it'll be random, as random as how my mind works. and disorganized at that because many things want to invade my mind at the same time ;)

well, today am in a happy mood, for one thing, it's my off-day!! yey! and although i've promised myself this morning that i will not do anything related to work, but i can't help myself to take a peek at my emails, which i just did. but fortunately nothing urgent. and i still have to prepare myself for the weekend's classes.

and to relate rather mundane things here. i actually went for a jog and a workout this morning, hehe, accompanying the mam, which is good! i think i'm going to make it a weekly thing, every friday! :))
and did some essential chores like laundry and cleaning my room..which also make me feel good, because otherwise, i really don't have the time to do them!
and arranged my books! and i think i need a new nicer box for my bookmarks, there's no more space in my loyal bluestriped mug!

i shall not bore you people...only...it's official now.. that my ericko-san has gone bonkers! the keypad doesn't work well anymore and replying to one message take much time and hardwork!! so until i can get my htc diamond, i'll make do with mam's not so old slim-o sony ericsson. but then....all those messages, erkk.. :/

and i shall not bore you...that all four usb ports on my laptop is filled with 2 ericssons' and my zen's and a thumbdrive, with all these transferring files going on. and i want to susun my files and pics in here.

and i shall not bore you with my intention to read She's Come Undone (yey, a book which is not for writing articles!)having got bored with Twilight the novel.(only because i've seen the movie, i don't think i need to read it) and having tea time with ratu and romo...and so looking forward to the weekend and CNY holidays. :)

...what a blissful day. hehe.

ps: and yes. please pardon my post yesterday. sometimes, when you're angry you tend to do irrational things and say out impulsive words. but these are rare instances for me. and it brings me to remember one of my youth's goal for the week, she wanted to have an 'anger-free week'. you're so right babe.

this ain't a scene

2009-01-22T08:13:00.005+08:00

seriously, if he cannot do any changes to the stupid site, then DON'T! it's not as if he's the one doing it, right? i'm sure what i want requires minor changes?? and for someone who has the knowledge, changing html codes would be a breeze la seh!! don't make it sound as if it requires the whole Bl88dy world to make the changes!
and the thing is, i've informed how i wanted it to look like, not yesterday, not last week. it's way last year!! and at that point of time, they say, let's not talk on the details because it's content-oriented, we'll concentrate on the design, but now he's saying otherwise! but all the same, i've given them details last year, i'm only bl88dy repeating what i've said.

i know i'm not equipped with this it-design knowledge, and don't make it as though i'm the most stupid person for not understanding, but really, if i do, i can do all of it MYSELF, i won't need you people to do it ok! i know what you're doing, trying to put the blame on me.

honestly, i lost respect to this particular head of a unit. he's not my boss anyway.
i don't even know why i took up this bl88dy project in the first place. i thought i knew, but having to face people like him, makes me puke. ada juga orang suka kat kau eh, pelik ah.

i'm merely letting out my anger in this blog, coz, really, it's a very very fine morning, but somehow one email spoilt it all. and i don't want to spread this anger aura with the very nice people around me. pray that i'm over it now that i've written them down. what a way to start the day, shouldn't have opened that particular email!

and you never fail to make me smile. blue knight saving the day, always.

waiting game

2009-01-18T21:01:00.004+08:00

i feel like this is the longest january i've ever gone through.
seriously, i've been through so much in the span of 18 days!! it's still january~

i've had good days...
i've had busy busy days which is good because it preoccupied my mind from glancing at my ericko-san too many times a day...;)
i've written a number of articles...
i've even got angry at a head of a strategic unit and practically showed it...
i've taught a total of 4 classes so far and enjoyed them much...
Lord, it's been days fulfilled.

although
i've not understand, still, why tears and blood must be shed. only donations and Al-Fath read with hopes and thoughts that this will give them the strength.
i've not understand, still, at this age, you have to have sore feelings to your friends over a small misunderstanding...i thought we've grown out of those? the rare times i mass-messaged, there never was a reply from a particular friend. so tell me, who forgets who?
and, heh, i still hate taking buses :)

on repeat mode: waiting game by yellowcard.
no particular reason.

and then, i'm happy. you know why.:))